Good day to all, i hope it's a nice one
A million seconds is 13 days.
A billion seconds is 31 years!
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
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"Getting OLD" is When"
..
Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love, "and you answer,
"Honey, I can't do both!"
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor, instead of by the police.
"Getting a little action" means I don't need to take any fiber today.
"Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
An "all nighter" means not getting up to pee.
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Classified Ads:
Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
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A young man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car broke down.
He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after.
The service man opened the hood and after a while looked up at the young man and said.
"It looks like you've blown a seal."
The man replies, "No, its just frost on my moustache."
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Regards minir
Giggles to start, end, or get you through the middle of the day.
Originally posted by minir:
A young man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car broke down.
He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after.
The service man opened the hood and after a while looked up at the young man and said.
"It looks like you've blown a seal."
The man replies, "No, its just frost on my moustache."
LMAO.
That was a good one.-
SeedOfChaos
- Posts: 8651
- Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2000 12:00 am
- Location: Comfortably Numb
More email jokes,,,,
Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order to shoot him was given, he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The
firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what his old boss had done. Before the order to shoot was given, Al yelled out,
"Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed
against the wall. He was thinking "I see the pattern here, just scream out a disaster and hop over the wall." As the firing squad was
reassembled and the rifles raised in his direction, he grinned and yelled, "Fire!"
Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order to shoot him was given, he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The
firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what his old boss had done. Before the order to shoot was given, Al yelled out,
"Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed
against the wall. He was thinking "I see the pattern here, just scream out a disaster and hop over the wall." As the firing squad was
reassembled and the rifles raised in his direction, he grinned and yelled, "Fire!"
"Forever with you. Forever without you...."
LOL...cleverOriginally posted by Heaven_No:
More email jokes,,,,
Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order to shoot him was given, he yelled out, "Earthquake!" The
firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall and escaped in the confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed against the wall. The squad was reassembled and Al pondered what his old boss had done. Before the order to shoot was given, Al yelled out,
"Tornado!" Again the squad fell apart and Al slipped over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush, was placed
against the wall. He was thinking "I see the pattern here, just scream out a disaster and hop over the wall." As the firing squad was
reassembled and the rifles raised in his direction, he grinned and yelled, "Fire!"
-
RoundEye
- Posts: 18219
- Joined: Sun Jul 16, 2000 12:00 am
- Location: In a dry but moldy New Orleans, Louisiana
What started out as a bad thread got hi-jacked into something very funny.Originally posted by Heaven_No:
I reread the monkey business from last night on Roundeye thread, "Should I post this???"
damn that was fun...
BTW, that S.A.F. guy is giving 137 a bunch of grief!!!!
Sliding down the banister of life ..........................
Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old.You always feel like you have to pee.? And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old.? "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all." "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old. "No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." "Do you have trouble crapping?" "No, I crap every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00.
"I don't wake up until 7:00.
"Forever with you. Forever without you...."
Heres one to remember while looking for a job:
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!"
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all his applications and said, "We have an opening for people like you."
"Oh, great," he said, "What is it?"
"It's called the door!"
hahaha