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This guy was lonely and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.
After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house.
He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.
He asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to Frank's with me and have a beer?"
But there was no answer from his new pet.
This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again,
"How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?"
But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation. He decided to ask him one more time!
This time, he put his face up against the centipedes
house and shouted,
"Hey, in there!
Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a drink with me?"
A little voice came out of the box,
"I heard you the first time!
I'm putting on my frigging shoes."
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Y'all got any American razor blades in here ?" the Texan asked the London pharmacist.
"All I see are these damn Wilkinson's."
"Sir," the Englishman patiently replied, "Wilkinson has been producing the finest surgical instruments, weapons and razors since before Waterloo."
"I don't give a damn if they passed them out on Noah's Ark if they ain't any good." the Texan retorted.
"I can assure you they are very good sir." the peeved druggist said.
"Why just last year, my wife swallowed one.
It gave her a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, circumcised the gardener, emasculated a neighbor, cut two of a delivery boy's fingers off at the knuckle -- and I still got 10 shaves out of it.
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Morris, a city boy moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.
The next day, the farmer drove up and said, Sorry, but I have some bad news.
The donkey died.
Morris: "Well, then, just give me my money back."
Farmer: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Morris: "OK, then. Just unload the dead donkey."
Farmer: "What ya gonna do with him?"
Morris: "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Morris: "Sure I can. Watch me.
I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with the city boy and asked,
"Whatever happened with that dead donkey ?"
Morris: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998."
Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Morris: "Just the guy who won....
So I gave him his two dollars back."
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Something Fishy Here!
I'm posting early due to Rain & Thunderstorms coming here.
regards
minir
