Unhappy man..

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:15 am

I saw this gorgeous girl on the train today on my way to work. She had to be around 135 lb, 5' 4", and Spanish. I walked past her on the train platform and where I always stand to wait for my train. I noticed her walking nearer towards me, but thought nothing of it. Now we are on the train. I sit, and she stands in front of me. I try to catch eye contact with her, and she's acting like she doesn't notice this. I can't help myself but to continue scoping her out, and she's just as gorgeous as a beautiful woman can be. Now I'm thinking to myself.. I have a girlfriend that's nowhere near as gorgeous as this one is, but yet I only seem to be able to hook up with girls just to settle for something to get by, but no one that would truly make me happy both in the outside and the inside. Now I know that I'm not ugly, but I'm also not one of those guys from N' Sync or maybe Freddie Prinze Jr. I would modestly attest that I'm somewhat between the lines of attractive and of being a little bigger than average. I always try to dress nice, and look clean cut. I have a job that pays well, and I'm not one of those guys that you find out there getting in trouble or what not. Yet, the guys I would consider the total opposite of me, total losers with minimum wage jobs, dressing all thuggish and not giving a damn about anything are the ones that get to grab girls like the one I saw. Something wrong here or is it just me? Oh well.. Just figured I'd share.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:21 am

I have one of those attractive, drop dead women as my wife that you discribed above.

I'd like to say I'm not that good looking. I'm not a thug nor do I dress down. I like to look professional.

All in all looks are not everthing. It's what's in the inside that matters the most. I've dated a few women in my time and I can tell you this, looks might get people by in the world but it's the first impressions and self worth of a person that matters.

JawZ · Post by **JawZ** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:25 am

Money...looks...clothes...all material in nature.

Make a girl laugh, having a good personality, and caring about her is what really matters.

Minimum wage earners who dress thuggish have hearts too and maybe because they don't have much is the exact reason why they share their heart instead of their wallet.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:27 am

Originally posted by UOD
Money...looks...clothes...all material in nature.

Make a girl laugh, having a good personality, and caring about her is what really matters.

Minimum wage earners who dress thuggish have hearts too and maybe because they don't have much is the exact reason why they share their heart instead of their wallet.

You are 100% correct UOD. Ever thought about changing your name again to St. Valentine?

Man, if I was a woman......LOL

Jim · Post by **Jim** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:30 am

Any person who cares about you more superficially than anything else probably isn't worth spending the REST OF YOUR LIFE with. You're looking for a relationship that is based on more than looks, and while looks are a nice plus, they're not everything.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:31 am

*** To UOD ***

Good point, but how is a man like me to get a break when I don't even get a chance to say anything, or get an assuring gesture or look of interest? Money never mattered to me, neither did material things, but I would think a girl would be more attracted to a guy who's successful and willing to bring her into his world to share it with her, one day at a time.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:33 am

*** To BIGJIMSLATE ***

Yeah.. But what if you would like to have someone who makes you happy in bed, and while making plans for the future?

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:34 am

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** To UOD ***

Good point, but how is a man like me to get a break when I don't even get a chance to say anything, or get an assuring gesture or look of interest? Money never mattered to me, neither did material things, but I would think a girl would be more attracted to a guy who's successful and willing to bring her into his world to share it with her, one day at a time.

Some women like that rebel look. I don't know. What I do know is I'm so glad that I am married and not single. I don't wish being single to anybody.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:40 am

*** To Joint Chiefs Of Staff ***

Being single does suck. I mean, I was always able to get around when I was single just for sex, but that makes you feel cheap and worthless over time. It makes you feel that being a lady's man is all I can ever be good for, and I know I'm much better than that.

JawZ · Post by **JawZ** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:41 am

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** To UOD ***

Good point, but how is a man like me to get a break when I don't even get a chance to say anything, or get an assuring gesture or look of interest? Money never mattered to me, neither did material things, but I would think a girl would be more attracted to a guy who's successful and willing to bring her into his world to share it with her, one day at a time.

Do you not have a mouth? Flash her a smile and say hi...how ya doing today? Don't wait for a girl to come to you....make your move...girls want a man to be a man...step up and make your move, break the ice. Thats why the thugs get the girls...no fear to talk to them.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:43 am

*** To UOD ***

Thugs also don't mind making fools of themselves, especially when the girl is obviously not interested.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:45 am

Originally posted by UOD

Do you not have a mouth? Flash her a smile and say hi...how ya doing today? Don't wait for a girl to come to you....make your move...girls want a man to be a man...step up and make your move, break the ice. Thats why the thugs get the girls...no fear to talk to them.

Speaking of which....

I use to go right up to the hottest woman in the bar when I was in my younger twenties and ask for a dance. I was nice and sweet, just plain harmless. I got a dance 9 x's out of 10. Made my buddies wonder because I was just an average guy.

Opening your mouth always works. Just as long it's something nice to begin a conversation. Women are human too you know.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:48 am

*** To Joint Chiefs Of Staff ***

That may work in your neck of the woods, where women don't play games as much as they do here. In NYC the only way you can get a doll is if you've known her from school or if you drive an Expedition.

Suzie · Post by **Suzie** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:54 am

MosDef112

Money, looks anything like that doesn't matter. The main thing that I think most woman look for is what's inside, honesty, what you see is what you get kinda person. Before I got married I dated a few guys but always seemed to be turned off by things that changed once you got to know them.

Be yourself and be true to yourself 1st. I'm sure there is a great girl out there for you, that will meet all your expectations.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Feb 13, 2002 9:55 am

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** To Joint Chiefs Of Staff ***

That may work in your neck of the woods, where women don't play games as much as they do here. In NYC the only way you can get a doll is if you've known her from school or if you drive an Expedition.

It worked overseas, California, Maryland, DC, Virginia, Upstate NY, Florida, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Maine, Alabama...the list goes on.

If the women you know are only interested in an Expedition, they're not worth your time. The woman knowing you from school is cool, it's a wacky world out there, so they feel safe with someone they know.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 10:05 am

*** To Suzie ***

Good point. That's one thing I saw through to change about me. I knew I was a male chauvinist who had one vision in mind, have my woman at home and take care of me while I brought home the bacon and gave her anything she wanted. I've changed so much because of past failed relationships that I could probably be considered as liberal as any man can be with his woman. I could probably honestly say that I wouldn't care if my woman hung around with other male friends as long as I was assured they were just friends.

Jim · Post by **Jim** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 10:22 am

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** To BIGJIMSLATE ***

Yeah.. But what if you would like to have someone who makes you happy in bed, and while making plans for the future?

No, that's fine, but you can't base a relationship solely on that, that's all I was saying. You say you have a girlfriend in a way that makes it sound like you'd like to replace her for a "better model" that looks...better. Maybe I just misread that part of your post.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:12 am

*** To BIGJIMSLATE ***

It's okay, maybe I also worded it weird. I'm not so much into the looks primarily, but maybe as a secondary order of priority over her personality and for who she is. But I guess I should settle for whatever I can get. I've done that all along anyway.

Suzie · Post by **Suzie** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:23 am

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** To BIGJIMSLATE ***

It's okay, maybe I also worded it weird. I'm not so much into the looks primarily, but maybe as a secondary order of priority over her personality and for who she is. But I guess I should settle for whatever I can get. I've done that all along anyway.

There is someone special out there for everyone. I'm sure you will find that someone and know from that 1st look that it was meant to be.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:29 am

*** To Suzie ***

That's my dilemma now. The one I'm with now didn't light up any sparks at all when I met her, and I know I didn't to her as well. Over time, she now claims that she loves me. And well.. I guess I'm used to her company, but I don't think real love is there. It's more like I care for her.

Suzie · Post by **Suzie** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:36 am

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** To Suzie ***

That's my dilemma now. The one I'm with now didn't light up any sparks at all when I met her, and I know I didn't to her as well. Over time, she now claims that she loves me. And well.. I guess I'm used to her company, but I don't think real love is there. It's more like I care for her.

You know, you should be honest with her about your feelings, for her sake as well as your own. You can love someone as a friend but it's not the same as the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Feelings can so easily be hurt, if a person is mislead to believe anything other than the way things are. Then neither people end up happy. Just a thought.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:41 am

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** To Suzie ***

That's my dilemma now. The one I'm with now didn't light up any sparks at all when I met her, and I know I didn't to her as well. Over time, she now claims that she loves me. And well.. I guess I'm used to her company, but I don't think real love is there. It's more like I care for her.

Nobody likes to see somebody get hurt but it seems you answered your own question above.

Better to end things in the very near future or end up 30 years later regretting a marriage. Even worse, making a boo boo and having a child. Think about that one for a moment. These things do happen if you know what I mean.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 11:53 am

*** To Suzie ***

I think I feel that way because of several reasons. Before her, I've had numerous relationships that ended up very badly. I even had one that almost successfully committed suicide in front of me. The reasoning behind it I will never understand, but nevertheless it's behind me and it has just taught me to be more careful about who I pick.

My girlfriend is not a bad woman, and in fact I've changed her a lot for the better. She's happier, more open, and gets along with her family much more than she did before. Her family loves me and has even admitted that I've been the best thing that has happened to her. That makes me feel great except that a few essential things are missing right now.

In the beginning I was willing to settle for anyone, literally. Yeah, I know that's the reason why I got myself in bad relationships to begin with, but then again who I'm I to be picky to begin with. I wanted the company, I wanted that someone to spoil, and everything else. She happened to be someone who showed up, and just to preserve something apparently good for me, I held on to it.

Over time I then realized that I was fooling myself. She makes me happy because she doesn't bring the drama I had before, but she also doesn't make me as happy physically. I know I shouldn't be picky, again, but I guess that's just how it feels.

It's not like I feel stuck, though lately she's been making inquiries whereas when should she expect to move in with me, when should she expect to be engaged, marriage, kids, etc. That makes me eery because right now I know that's not what I want with her. But then again, you can't force yourself to love someone, that has to come out naturally.

So thinking with my head, and not with my heart, brings me to two choices: Let go what I have and wait and see if the one I want comes along, hopefully with no excessive baggage, or keep the one I have and make her happy as I have, and just keep feeling sorry for myself alone for not allowing myself to feel as happy as I'd like to feel.

Suzie · Post by **Suzie** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 12:07 pm

When she talked to you about moving in, engagement ect. How did you respond to her? Did you let her know in any way how you are feeling? I can see you are really struggling with this, which means you do care for her. But is that enough? Can you live the rest of your life happy, if you feel you are settling? Will she still be happy? I know if I where her, I would want you to be honest with me. No one likes to be told any such thing but it's only fair to her also.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 12:32 pm

*** To Suzie ***

Believe me I know. The more I think about it, the more it makes me want to think twice before I screw it up.

We almost broke up twice to arguments we couldn't settle out of anger, or rather out of stern disagreement, but we still managed to work it out. Other than that we get along fine. It urks me every now and then to have those what ifs on my mind especially when I see what's out there and to know how difficult it can be to be had.

When the question gets asked, I always tell her that we should wait until I settle my debt and she's done with school. In reality, right now I couldn't afford to have her move in with me and maintain her. As stubborn and determined as she may seem to be about not needing me for that, I know that will be so. I want her to stay focused in school, and I also want the time to think it through, if not the space for that matter.

Again, it scares me to think about engaging her because I don't want to get into something I'm not ready for, or something I don't want with her. The same goes for kids. At least we agree on not having any kids until further down the line, thank God for that.

Bottom line, I may as well never be happy with what I have, but at least it's the sure thing. At least I won't be too disappointed if the day came that she would leave me for someone else, or because of me. But then again, would I be missing out on what could truly make me happy? Maybe.. Maybe not.

Suzie · Post by **Suzie** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 12:51 pm

Bottom line, I may as well never be happy with what I have, but at least it's the sure thing. At least I won't be too disappointed if the day came that she would leave me for someone else, or because of me. But then again, would I be missing out on what could truly make me happy? Maybe.. Maybe not.

How would you feel if this situatation was the other way around? Would you want her to tell you how she was feeling? Or would you be happy finding out somewhere down the road that she was settling? The truth always seems to surface, whether it's sooner or later is something you have to decide.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 1:09 pm

*** To Suzie ***

True. I guess things ought to be left where they are now. Everything's pretty much on hold, though her feelings likely are not.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Feb 13, 2002 1:12 pm

Originally posted by Suzie

How would you feel if this situatation was the other way around? Would you want her to tell you how she was feeling? Or would you be happy finding out somewhere down the road that she was settling? The truth always seems to surface, whether it's sooner or later is something you have to decide.

Very true Suzie.

The truth hurts period. You just have to find the right time and place for it. You have to do it at the right moment and not during a heated argument or discussion etc. Boy I don't want to be in your shoes MosDef.

MosDef112 · Post by **MosDef112** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 1:39 pm

*** Joint Chiefs Of Staff ***

LOL.. I hear ya. That's why I don't want to do anything now. Who knows.. Maybe later on she'll grow in me and I won't feel "settled."

Thanks to you and Suzie for all your help.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Feb 13, 2002 1:42 pm

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** Joint Chiefs Of Staff ***

LOL.. I hear ya. That's why I don't want to do anything now. Who knows.. Maybe later on she'll grow in me and I won't feel "settled."

Thanks to you and Suzie for all your help.

Anytime buddy. Hang in there! It'll work itself out one way or the other.

Suzie · Post by **Suzie** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 1:46 pm

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** Joint Chiefs Of Staff ***

LOL.. I hear ya. That's why I don't want to do anything now. Who knows.. Maybe later on she'll grow in me and I won't feel "settled."

Thanks to you and Suzie for all your help.

Hope we did help

Anytime and good luck

CiscoKid · Post by **CiscoKid** » Wed Feb 13, 2002 8:06 pm

Originally posted by MosDef112
*** To Joint Chiefs Of Staff ***

That may work in your neck of the woods, where women don't play games as much as they do here. In NYC the only way you can get a doll is if you've known her from school or if you drive an Expedition.

I ride an expidition...yet I am still single...

There's a girl in my Logic class I'm interested in...but am unsure how to aproach her...

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Feb 13, 2002 8:15 pm

Just go for it Cisco!

CableDude · Post by **CableDude** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 6:18 am

Originally posted by Suzie

There is someone special out there for everyone. I'm sure you will find that someone and know from that 1st look that it was meant to be.

I hope that is true.

Suzie · Post by **Suzie** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 10:54 am

Originally posted by CableDude

I hope that is true.

It's true, just be patient.

Maliy · Post by **Maliy** » Thu Feb 14, 2002 12:43 pm

Originally posted by MosDef112
Now we are on the train. I sit, and she stands in front of me.

Hey common MosDef be a gentelman give up the seat. She was probably pissed that you were sitting and scoping her in a mute fashion

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