My Sister is Pregnant

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 1:55 pm

I know some of you know of past threads I have posted about my sister and decisions she has been making her life that my parents and I don't agree with.

Well, our worst fears have now come to the forefront.

She is 18, and Pregnant.

It was bad enough at the beginning of this year when her and her boyfriend decided to get an apartment together. To move in. They were not married, but plan to get married in a couple years or so, which was also a decision no one agreed with.

My mom just called me and said she came over to the house last night and told my mom she was pregnant.

I guess I was naive, I didn't even think they were having sex yet. I figured she would do the right thing and hold off on sex until they were married. But apparently I was very wrong in that department.

So here my sister is, 18, living with her Fiancé in an apartment, not married, and pregnant. Also her and her Fiance are attending college, and working jobs.

I just don't know what to say, and my mom is very distraught right now, very emotional. My dad doesn't know yet, but he will be equally as emotional. While we are all sitting here worried about this my mom said my sister is very excited about it.

She just doesn't see what lies ahead of her.

My mom finally had plans to kick start her life, I have been out of the home for almost a year now, and my sister was out of the home. My mom was going to apply for a big manager job in personel up in Arkansas at the home office for Sams. It was going to be a big promotion for her and she was going to be very happy about moving up there and getting to where she wanted to be in her life.

Now she has to put that all on hold for at least a few years and help with my sister.

My sister just doesn't see the sacrafice that awaits her, and that all of us, including me are going to have to make to help her out.

Our worse fears have just come to light.

Don't get me wrong though, bringing a new life into the world is great, but it just happened to damn soon, and my sister doesn't see the troubles that are fixing to embelish her.

My mom was almost 28 years old when she had me, she was married to my dad for a few years and they were well established before they had me.

I guess my sister didn't have such forsight on these matters.

BTW, she was taking birth control, but forgot to take it one day, and now we have come to this place.

I can not say this enough, abstinence is the best policy for all young folk out there. And you shouldn't be having sex until you are married anyways! argh

I'm just in shock here, i did not expect this

Zilog B · Post by **Zilog B** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:00 pm

People don't always have kids at exactly the "perfect" time. Actually i'd say most people alive aren't born in this fashion. You should call your sister up and tell her how happy you are that you are going to be an uncle. She is family after all and she probably needs a shoulder right about now. Doesn't mean that you have to agree with what she's done.

Humboldt · Post by **Humboldt** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:00 pm

Not too young for sex IMO, but it seems she's a bit too immature for sex.

Good grief.

I certainly wish the best for her, for all of you, but it does seem as if she's learning things the hard way.

ace · Post by **ace** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:04 pm

Sorry to hear about your sister brent. I know exactly whats going on though because I had gotten my girlfriend pregnant at 18 also. We now have a 9 year old daughter. Not something I wanted but we dealt with it just like she will. I know you will be supportive and thats great. These are the things young stupid teenagers do and its not going to change. I wish I would have listened but now I can say that "I" would not change anything at all.

Uncle brent...hmmm..uncle borg....hmmm... Which will it be??

Noevo · Post by **Noevo** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:05 pm

I can think of a couple of things that would better fit "Our worse fears have just come to light." talk to a few people on the boards who would agree and you may not feel so badly about your sisters situation.

true, not the best situation but far from worse also. I wish her well

stop preaching at her and lend a comforting shoulder, since their ain't a darn thing you can do about it.

Scott · Post by **Scott** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:06 pm

Wish you and yours the best of luck Brent.

Personally, I don't see why anyone should put their lives on hold (your mom) for what your sister has gotten into. I understand she is family and all, but this was her choice, her consequence ( to put it harshly), and she should deal with it.

Not to say you should abandon her, by no means. Help as you can, but let her live her life, live yours as well. Only way some people grow up.

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:08 pm

Originally posted by John
Gonna be interesting to see what her fiance does.

I am most interested in that part as well. No word on what he has to say yet.

ghost · Post by **ghost** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:09 pm

Originally posted by Noevo
I can think of a couple of things that would better fit "Our worse fears have just come to light." talk to a few people on the boards who would agree and you may not feel so badly about your sisters situation.

true, not the best situation but far from worse also. I wish her well

stop preaching at her and lend a comforting shoulder, since their ain't a darn thing you can do about it.

I agree with my esteemed colleague Noevo, and will add this:

It's HER life, let her live it.

And not only that but it DOES NOT mean that everyone else's life has to change as a result. Your mother had plans, she should keep them, not put her life on hold once again. I think everyone is looking at this the wrong way. Help her, by all means, if that's what you want to do, but don't let HER life dictate what YOU do with YOURS.

[ADDED]: Snuf beat me to the punch.

Good post!

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:09 pm

Originally posted by Noevo
I can think of a couple of things that would better fit "Our worse fears have just come to light." talk to a few people on the boards who would agree and you may not feel so badly about your sisters situation.

true, not the best situation but far from worse also. I wish her well

stop preaching at her and lend a comforting shoulder, since their ain't a darn thing you can do about it.

I haven't talked to her yet, but my mom was very emotional when she talked to me on the phone.

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:11 pm

Originally posted by ghost
I agree with my esteemed colleague Noevo, and will add this:

It's HER life, let her live it.

And not only that but it DOES NOT mean that everyone else's life has to change as a result. Your mother had plans, she should keep them, not put her life on hold once again. I think everyone is looking at this the wrong way. Help her, by all means, if that's what you want to do, but don't let HER life dictate what YOU do with YOURS.

[ADDED]: Snuf beat me to the punch. Good post!

Always easier said then done, you know how moms are.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:15 pm

Being an uncle is great Brent. I'm one 6 fold.

Your mom should go along with her decision to move to Wal-Marts Home Office in Betonville. I can give her a good word if you like.

By leaving and doing what she has to do with tell your sister that she'll be a grandmother but not a savings account to bail her out if that is the case.

Brent...

Go over and talk with your sister...no listen to her. Be a big brother and comfort her. This will also comfort you. After all being a brother has it's moments you might just see what I'm talking about.

Your sister, your mom & dad and your lives are not over. It's just the beginning. You'll see.

ghost · Post by **ghost** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:22 pm

Originally posted by Brent
Always easier said then done, you know how moms are.

That's so true, Brent.

Our family is going through the same thing right now. My niece is 21, unmarried & pregnant by a married man with 2 kids. This was not Good News.

Everyone in the family has an opinion as to whether or not she should have the baby. She wants to keep it. I simply told her that it's her decision, her life and no one else has a say in what happens and that I will support her decision because I'm her Godfather and I love her.

People have to live and learn. Each controls his destiny.

BaLa · Post by **BaLa** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:34 pm

hmm..

I see where you're coming from my Sis is in a similar situation...

never posted about it myself..

Noevo · Post by **Noevo** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:49 pm

Originally posted by Brent
I haven't talked to her yet, but my mom was very emotional when she talked to me on the phone.

I can imagine. I guess my point was don't let your feelings of disappoing get in the way of supporting a family member at a time they really need it, emotionally. She hear "you're too young to have a baby" enough without having to hear it from family as well.

minir · Post by **minir** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 2:59 pm

Hi Brent

What your Sister needs most now is understanding and compassion. What has happened is the way it is. All the Harping in the world will not change a single thing, except to possibly alienate the Family from a newborn.

Not everyone is capable, able, or for that matter wishes to lead the perfect life. Life is learning to deal with the unexpected and is a growing experience. Sometimes a painful one, but with the right outlook that need not be necessary.

As to Your Mothers putting her life on hold, that imho is totally unnecessary. She should do what she has the opportunity to do. If this means moving to accept a better, or more satisfying position in life, Do So.

She is not responsible for the upbringing, or maintenance of Her Daughter, nor should she blame her Daughter for making her miss out on any opportunity.

Your Sister has a Boyfriend and they are young and healthy, let them take on the responsibility of rearing their own child and creating a Family Unit. I'm sure they are quite capable of doing so.

Accept what has happened and be Happy for your sister, as it appears it is something she herself is pleased about.

At a time like this Family should pull together, not apart.

Just my opinion.

regards

larry

YARDofSTUF · Post by **YARDofSTUF** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 3:11 pm

From the sound of the post you would think she was whoring her body to every guy around and didnt give a rats ass about anyone else but her.

If shes living wither her husband to be then sex would probably be a regular thing. and you said shes happy about it, good. if shes keeping it then she better be. ya 18 is young but its becoming the norm. not a good thing but at least the child will be wanted when it gets here.

i'm pretty sure i could guess whose the most loose in their faith in the justice family after this thread.

oh and brent, a kick in the ass isnt a good baby shower gift, ur gonna have to look for something better for her

A baby will sure make going to school harder, hope fully she wont give up on that.

anyway, congradulations to her.

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 3:11 pm

That is definitely a rough one no doubt. Its tough that she will learn alot of this the hard way, but with your families support she will get through it. Like others said though, be there to help her but dont let it control your lives.

TEH WIN · Post by **TEH WIN** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 3:19 pm

UNCLE BRENT!

mountainman · Post by **mountainman** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 3:52 pm

Congratulations to your sister !!!

Brent: Like you, I believe in God. I believe that he does everything for a purpose and you need to belive in Him. Isn't that right ? Isn't that what you believe ?

If so, than quit complaining about it and do something good for her. Call her up. Buy her a ToysRUs Gift Cert or something like that.

This will be very cool for you once you figure out how to overcome the financial difficulties.

Good luck, brother !!

PS. I liked "Uncle Borg". It has a good ring to it. LOL

terrancelam · Post by **terrancelam** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 3:55 pm

Brent,

Well dude, your going to be an Uncle. Be happy. things may go awry, people may have sex, but that's just the nature of things. Just be glad she's learning about this now instead of later. I'm happy she's moving in with her fiance. When she lives with him for a while, she'll get to know him better and decide then, if he is right for her. Support her if she needs it, but most importantly, let her grow. If she stumbles, sometimes you gotta fall before you can get up. Anyways don't stress too much, you'll lose you sexiness.

Marvin

fanta · Post by **fanta** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 3:55 pm

Try not to stress so much about the situation. Like others said, support your sister because shes the one who has to deal with her actions and the last thing she needs is doubt and negativity.

There are many positive things that you and your famliy can instead focus on, such as being able to bring to life a child when so many others pray and dream of being able to have a baby. Just remember tons of others have been in similar situations, and guess what....things work out in the end.

Minir summed it up very well.

Mutch · Post by **Mutch** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 4:45 pm

I didnt read any of the replies.. But if she doesnt want the baby... Abortion? Adoption?

downhill · Post by **downhill** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 5:05 pm

Hey Brent!!!

Congrats on your going to be an Uncle!!

And congrats to your mom because she has a new grandchild on the way!!! She's going to love her/him!!!

And congrats to your sister!

And to her boyfriend!

By the way, for most, nothing like a new addition to make someone grow up.

Do not make this baby suffer because of particular dreams that now may have to change. It's life.....

Croc · Post by **Croc** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 5:25 pm

Being a parent placed in the same situation some 10 years, I can only suggest you let your sister get on with her life without condemning her for what has happened.

I can totally understand how you and your parents must feel. Be there for her, support her. Don't throw mud in her face for what has happened because that will drive her away which will be your loss as well. One of the most important things that our daughter received from both of us was the knowledge that she was still loved.

Remember also the emotions you are currently feeling the next time you take out someone else's daughter and enjoy a night of unbridled passion. The consequenses of doing it are going to show in a very short time.

As for your mum and her job. She needs to go for it and accept that all the feelings she has will not change anything.

JMO

Croc.

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 5:53 pm

Originally posted by schlurpee
People don't always have kids at exactly the "perfect" time. Actually i'd say most people alive aren't born in this fashion. You should call your sister up and tell her how happy you are that you are going to be an uncle. She is family after all and she probably needs a shoulder right about now. Doesn't mean that you have to agree with what she's done.

Yeah, i'll talk to her

my mom said she was excited about it though, but she prolly just hasn't realized the implications yet and what is going to be involved in raising a kid so early in her life

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 5:53 pm

Originally posted by Humboldt
Not too young for sex IMO, but it seems she's a bit too immature for sex.

Good grief.

I certainly wish the best for her, for all of you, but it does seem as if she's learning things the hard way.

indeed

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 5:54 pm

Originally posted by ace420
Sorry to hear about your sister brent. I know exactly whats going on though because I had gotten my girlfriend pregnant at 18 also. We now have a 9 year old daughter. Not something I wanted but we dealt with it just like she will. I know you will be supportive and thats great. These are the things young stupid teenagers do and its not going to change. I wish I would have listened but now I can say that "I" would not change anything at all.

Uncle brent...hmmm..uncle borg....hmmm... Which will it be??

It feels weird thinking i'm going to be an uncle

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 5:55 pm

Originally posted by Noevo
I can think of a couple of things that would better fit "Our worse fears have just come to light." talk to a few people on the boards who would agree and you may not feel so badly about your sisters situation.

true, not the best situation but far from worse also. I wish her well

stop preaching at her and lend a comforting shoulder, since their ain't a darn thing you can do about it.

I haven't really preached to her, she knows what I think already anyways. Its her life I guess.

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 5:59 pm

Originally posted by Joint Chiefs of Staff
Being an uncle is great Brent. I'm one 6 fold.

Your mom should go along with her decision to move to Wal-Marts Home Office in Betonville. I can give her a good word if you like. By leaving and doing what she has to do with tell your sister that she'll be a grandmother but not a savings account to bail her out if that is the case.

Brent...

Go over and talk with your sister...no listen to her. Be a big brother and comfort her. This will also comfort you. After all being a brother has it's moments you might just see what I'm talking about.

Your sister, your mom & dad and your lives are not over. It's just the beginning. You'll see.

Ah, you know of it. Yes, my mom recently went to a shareholders meeting there, she was the representative from our Sams down here to represent them up there. So she got to know a lot of people and such. She really wants to move up and work at the home office, right now she's Personel Supervisor for a Sams here. I'm sure she'd appreciate a good word.

Yeah, I need to sit down and listen to her.

I am most curious what her fiance has to say.

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:00 pm

Originally posted by ghost
That's so true, Brent.

Our family is going through the same thing right now. My niece is 21, unmarried & pregnant by a married man with 2 kids. This was not Good News.

Everyone in the family has an opinion as to whether or not she should have the baby. She wants to keep it. I simply told her that it's her decision, her life and no one else has a say in what happens and that I will support her decision because I'm her Godfather and I love her.

People have to live and learn. Each controls his destiny.

wow man, thats not good news at all, best of luck for you and your family in those matters as well

I don't think my sister or anyone in our family would ever choose abortion, thats just not the answer IMO.

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:01 pm

Originally posted by BaLa
hmm..

I see where you're coming from my Sis is in a similar situation...

never posted about it myself..

thanks for sharing that, I know our family isn't unique in a situation like this, and it could definitely be worse, but its still going to be very hard

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:02 pm

Originally posted by Noevo
I can imagine. I guess my point was don't let your feelings of disappoing get in the way of supporting a family member at a time they really need it, emotionally. She hear "you're too young to have a baby" enough without having to hear it from family as well.

I hear ya

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:04 pm

Originally posted by minir
Hi Brent

What your Sister needs most now is understanding and compassion. What has happened is the way it is. All the Harping in the world will not change a single thing, except to possibly alienate the Family from a newborn.

Not everyone is capable, able, or for that matter wishes to lead the perfect life. Life is learning to deal with the unexpected and is a growing experience. Sometimes a painful one, but with the right outlook that need not be necessary.

As to Your Mothers putting her life on hold, that imho is totally unnecessary. She should do what she has the opportunity to do. If this means moving to accept a better, or more satisfying position in life, Do So.

She is not responsible for the upbringing, or maintenance of Her Daughter, nor should she blame her Daughter for making her miss out on any opportunity.

Your Sister has a Boyfriend and they are young and healthy, let them take on the responsibility of rearing their own child and creating a Family Unit. I'm sure they are quite capable of doing so.

Accept what has happened and be Happy for your sister, as it appears it is something she herself is pleased about.

At a time like this Family should pull together, not apart.

Just my opinion.

regards

larry

Great post Larry, it is all much easier said then done. I'll try and make these points to my mom, but knowing her she will stay to help my sister, as she has already said she whould.

Your right, its a done deal, the baby has been concieved and there is no turning back, only going forward.

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:06 pm

Originally posted by YARDofSTUF
From the sound of the post you would think she was whoring her body to every guy around and didnt give a rats ass about anyone else but her.

If shes living wither her husband to be then sex would probably be a regular thing. and you said shes happy about it, good. if shes keeping it then she better be. ya 18 is young but its becoming the norm. not a good thing but at least the child will be wanted when it gets here.

i'm pretty sure i could guess whose the most loose in their faith in the justice family after this thread.

oh and brent, a kick in the ass isnt a good baby shower gift, ur gonna have to look for something better for her

A baby will sure make going to school harder, hope fully she wont give up on that.

anyway, congradulations to her.

I'm no angel either, so I can't pass judgement.

I may not like her decisions or agree with them, but I will be there to support.

I'm not gonna give her a kick in the ass, yet

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:06 pm

Originally posted by Mutch
I didnt read any of the replies.. But if she doesnt want the baby... Abortion? Adoption?

At this point she does want the baby

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:07 pm

Originally posted by downhill
Hey Brent!!!

Congrats on your going to be an Uncle!!

And congrats to your mom because she has a new grandchild on the way!!! She's going to love her/him!!!

And congrats to your sister!

And to her boyfriend!

By the way, for most, nothing like a new addition to make someone grow up.

Do not make this baby suffer because of particular dreams that now may have to change. It's life.....

Your very positive, thanks

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:08 pm

Originally posted by Croc
Being a parent placed in the same situation some 10 years, I can only suggest you let your sister get on with her life without condemning her for what has happened.

I can totally understand how you and your parents must feel. Be there for her, support her. Don't throw mud in her face for what has happened because that will drive her away which will be your loss as well. One of the most important things that our daughter received from both of us was the knowledge that she was still loved.

Remember also the emotions you are currently feeling the next time you take out someone else's daughter and enjoy a night of unbridled passion. The consequenses of doing it are going to show in a very short time.

As for your mum and her job. She needs to go for it and accept that all the feelings she has will not change anything.

JMO

Croc.

I'm not condeming her

I just don't agree with the choices she made

but it is her life

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:09 pm

The best way I can sum it up is that I'm shocked, but not suprised, if that makes any sense.

My Mom most of all. She really wasn't expecting this so soon. They JUST got together and JUST moved into their own apartment this Spring. Its just too soon for something like this to happen. They aren't even married yet.

Randy · Post by **Randy** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:20 pm

well its gonna be roough on the kid in some ways but.. at least unlce berent will be there for his neph

congrates Brent

Prey521 · Post by **Prey521** » Fri Jun 27, 2003 6:43 pm

Sorry to hear that Brent

She's been on the bad road for a long time man, but sometimes ya never expect stuff like this to happen!! I'd go nuts if I found out that my daughter had sex pre-marriage let alone get pregnant!! I can't imagine how your mom must feel.....you try and raise kids the right way nowadays and all they do is screw you over!!!

I pray that I don't have to go through that with my kids!