Sound familiar?
Women's Perfect Breakfast
A woman's perfect breakfast:
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
----------------------------------------------
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control
for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
so I figured this was the most legal, evil thing I could do to him."
----------------------------------------------
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never
understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto their inner upper
thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a
spider.
---------------------------------------------
SECTIONAL, SCHMECTIONAL
An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and
was greeted by a much younger salesman.
"Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked.
"Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa."
"You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested.
"Sectional, schmectional," she bitterly retorted.
"All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!"
----------------------------------------------
HEY! WAIT A MINUTE...
I said to my wife, "Guess what I heard in the pub?
They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our road
except one."
And she said, "I'll bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis at number 23."
----------------------------------------------
NO CABBAGE FOR YOU
Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for
some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one asked how
the other's husband was doing.
"Oh! Bruce died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage
for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead, right there in
the middle of the vegetable patch!"
"Oh dear! I'm very sorry," replied her friend. "What did you do?"
"I opened a can of peas instead!"
