Chemistry set
A father comes home and asks where his son is. His wife replies that he's downstairs playing with his new chemistry set. The father is curious so he wanders down stairs to see what his son is doing. As he's walking down the steps he hears a banging sound. When he gets to the bottom he sees his son pounding a nail into the wall.
He says to his son, "What are you doing? I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?"
His son replied, "This isn't a nail, dad, it's a worm. I put these chemicals on it and it became hard as a rock."
His dad thought about it for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what son, give me those chemicals and I'll give you a new Volkswagen."
His son quite naturally said, "Sure why not.''
The next day his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. Just then his dad walked in. He asked his father where his Volkswagen was.
His dad replied, "It's right there behind the Mercedes. The Mercedes is from your mother."
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Happiness
Once there was a philosopher doing a survey on a group of men, on the topic of happiness. He said "I can prove to you that the amount of happiness has relation to the amount of sex you have!"
To prove this he glanced at the audience. And he saw a man at the right hand corner, smiling, "Sir, How often do you have sex?" he asked.
"Once a month." the man answered.
Looking for another happy face, he spotted a man in the middle, having a bigger smile. And he asked him "Sir, How often do you have sex?"
"Once a week. " the man shouted.
Trying to prove his theory further, he saw another man laughing. "You seem to be a very happy man, So how often do you have sex?"
"Well, ...everyday" the happy man answered. "There, I am right ...the amount of happiness has relation to the amount of sex you have" said the philosopher.
But far off at the end of the room, he saw a man with his hands in the air. Laughing and jumping with so much happiness. So the philosopher said to him, "You sure look like a very happy man?"
"Yes,.Yes .. Yes," answered the very happy man.
"So how often do you get to have sex?" the philosopher asked.
The man answered "Once a year...."
The puzzled and embarrassed philosopher asked the man "WHAT? Then why are you so happy??"
The man while laughing, and jumping said: "IT'S TONIGHT... IT'S TONIGHT!!"
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Smart little boy
The teacher called on Johnny to solve the next question. "There are 3 ducks sitting on a fence", she said, "and the farmer comes out and shoots one of them. How many are still on the fence?.
Johnny thinks a second and says "none".
The Teacher asked him how he figured that. "Well, he said, when the farmer shot the first duck, the noise scared the other 2 and they flew away".
The teacher said "That's not really the answer I was looking for but I like your thinking".
Then Johnny says "Now can I ask you one?".
The teacher said okay. Johnny says "There are 3 women with an ice cream cone in their hands. One is chewing it, one is biting it and one is licking it. Which one is married?.
The teacher says, "Why, the one that's licking it" to which Johnny answered "Wrong. It's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking..."
Some giggles (with respect to Larry)
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Juggernaut
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Some giggles (with respect to Larry)
It can't rain all the time...
Those are fricking funny... this one rocks..
Smart little boy
The teacher called on Johnny to solve the next question. "There are 3 ducks sitting on a fence", she said, "and the farmer comes out and shoots one of them. How many are still on the fence?.
Johnny thinks a second and says "none".
The Teacher asked him how he figured that. "Well, he said, when the farmer shot the first duck, the noise scared the other 2 and they flew away".
The teacher said "That's not really the answer I was looking for but I like your thinking".
Then Johnny says "Now can I ask you one?".
The teacher said okay. Johnny says "There are 3 women with an ice cream cone in their hands. One is chewing it, one is biting it and one is licking it. Which one is married?.
The teacher says, "Why, the one that's licking it" to which Johnny answered "Wrong. It's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking..."
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SG Theme SongThe Devil wrote:Tolerance is a virtue, not a requirement.
