The Joke Thread

matthewwhite011 · Post by **matthewwhite011** » Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:47 pm

An engineer was taking a walk when a frog spoke to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I'll become your girlfriend."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

The frog spoke again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll become your wife."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket again, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog said, "What is the matter? I'm a beautiful princess. Why won`t you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm a busy engineer. I don`t have time for a girlfriend or a wife, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Fri Jun 21, 2013 3:58 pm

X-Nemesis · Post by **X-Nemesis** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 5:13 pm

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."

The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

X-Nemesis · Post by **X-Nemesis** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 5:14 pm

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

X-Nemesis · Post by **X-Nemesis** » Fri Jun 28, 2013 5:17 pm

A man was in a bar all day and he had to use the bathroom. He was in there for a while, yelling, so the barmaid reluctantly went to the bathroom to check on him.

"Sir, what are you yelling about? You're scaring the customers."

"Every time I try to flush the toilet something keeps biting my balls!"

"Sir, please get off the mop bucket."

Starmax · Post by **Starmax** » Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:37 am

A man comes home early from work one day, and finds his wife in bed with another man.
Wife says "oh my your home early honey" Husband says "what the hell is going on?"

Well the other man is on top of her with his head between her breast and he's just singing and humming along, wife says "it's ok honey it's not what it looks like, he's just listening to music"

Other guy says "yea man cant ya hear it? it's great" Husband says "I dont hear a damn thing.

Other guy looks up and says "of course ya dont dummy, your not plugged in"