Am I an ass for not going to a funeral?

Humboldt · Post by **Humboldt** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 3:45 pm

My grandfather passed away yesterday morning at age 102 after a heart attack.

Looks like the funeral will be Wednesday AM in Pennsylvania.
I live in California.

I loved my grandfather and have nothing but good memories of him. To be honest I want to keep it that way, I have no desire to see him dead or to see my family in mourning.

I'm very close to my parents and sister and want to be there to offer them my support, and feel a strong sense of obligation to go. Funerals are a bitch, no one wants to go to them, but you buck up and do it.

I'm a selfish bastard though and guard my time and sanity, and recently there hasn't been much of either. I've been at a low point for quite a while now and am strung pretty damn tight emotionally, and the last thing I want to do is go on a 4 or 5 leg flight across the country to say goodbye to a dead man, then turn around and come all the way back.

As UOD pointed out regret money comes and goes but regret lasts forever. I can deal with not going to the funeral but would feel pretty damn low if I felt like I let my family down when they needed me.

Easto · Post by **Easto** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 3:53 pm

No you are not an ass.

Why not call some family and share those great memories. When you love someone it doesn't matter where you are.

De Plano · Post by **De Plano** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 4:47 pm

When was the last time you were there? When would be the next time you went if you did not go now?

Humboldt · Post by **Humboldt** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 4:51 pm

De Plano wrote:When was the last time you were there? When would be the next time you went if you did not go now?

My grandmother's funeral last year.
If I visit my family I want it to be a real visit, not being with them for 18 hours when everyone is all stressed and sad.

Not sure when the next time to visit would be, but they came out here a few months ago, got to see them then. I'm on salary now as well and get a good bit more vacation time than I used to, so it'd be easier to plan a short vacation now.

Post by **YeOldeStonecat** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 6:05 pm

So what's the next best thing? I'm sure you have already..but call the east coast family members and talk to them.

And in a few more days..talk to them again.

Help out by asking if you can help pen the obituary. Any pictures you might have...offer to overnight them so the family can post them on the picture board commonly done for funeral services.

You may not be able to physically be there...but being there emotionally, and in thought, support, and in other actions...will let the rest of the family know that you do care, and they'll be aware of that. And your grandfather will look down and know all of this.

ghettoside · Post by **ghettoside** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 6:42 pm

I don't think you should feel bad about not making the funeral.

Humboldt · Post by **Humboldt** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 6:55 pm

ghettoside wrote:I don't think you should feel bad about not making the funeral.

I can't help it. I feel like I'm letting my father down.

blebs · Post by **blebs** » Sat Nov 29, 2008 7:24 pm

I used to go to every funeral as if it was expected of me. I will not go to anymore! I don't even want to go to my own. I'm not saying that to be funny, it's the truth. I've been to far more then I care to ever mention and I too, prefer to remember people as they were while alive. Looking at a dead shell does nothing for my own personal innner self.