Fathers, b/f's, husbands would this bother you?

[Keg Party]

OK...so you guys know I'm engaged, been together almost a year now, etc etc.

So I spend the day with my son and my fiance' with friends and their kids having a cookout and stuff. Not really thinking much all day as to whether or not my fiance' is going to tell me Happy Fathers Day or anything..didn't really have to get me anything, just let me know she thought of me. Nothing. So I jokingly asked last night, 11pm or so...so whadja get me for fathers day? She says Nothing...I've been with you all weekend. Then about 30 minutes later she says I'll get you something..I just said I don't need anything it was just the point...even doing or making something would have been nice.

There's more that I can't really get into, but lets say the she remembered someone else on that day that isn't her father so it's just disappointing

I'm I just being whiney?

[Roody]

It would bug me also.

[YeOldeStonecat]

Does she come with kids from a prior?

[Keg Party]

Does she come with kids from a prior?

She has a son, but he's never known his dad..he's a deadbeat. There's a "father figure" so to speak in their houshold..older guy that is a friend and his daughter that is my fiance's age.

[YeOldeStonecat]

Ahh. Well...so I take it you're bummed that this other "father figure" guy....got a "Happy Fathers Day" from her regarding her son.....but you didn't?

Yeah..that would bum me out. Without knowing how much time you spend with her and her son, etc...I guess I'd take it as something that suggests who she..and her son..consider more of a "father" to her son. This other guy who's been in the picture for a while..or you. I can see, understand, and relate to the "competitive" thing here.

Depending on how old the son is...I guess I'd not expect a "Happy Fathers Day" from her....as to me, it's usually something that comes from the kids. Granted..when the kids are too young...they don't know better and the parent nudges them to get a card or at least say it or something. Or gives you a card on their behalf.

I take it she still lives under that other roof with that "father figure"? I bet if it came to you guys living under one roof...the next fathers day...you'd be seen more as the father figure. It's hard to judge..not knowing how long the relationship has been, or how much time you get to spend yet with her son, etc. I can see and feel your situation...as you know a bit of mine based on some PMs we've had.

[Dan]

It would bug me also.

[downhill]

I'd get a new girlfriend.

[Keg Party]

Ahh. Well...so I take it you're bummed that this other "father figure" guy....got a "Happy Fathers Day" from her regarding her son.....but you didn't?

Yeah..that would bum me out. Without knowing how much time you spend with her and her son, etc...I guess I'd take it as something that suggests who she..and her son..consider more of a "father" to her son. This other guy who's been in the picture for a while..or you. I can see, understand, and relate to the "competitive" thing here.

Depending on how old the son is...I guess I'd not expect a "Happy Fathers Day" from her....as to me, it's usually something that comes from the kids. Granted..when the kids are too young...they don't know better and the parent nudges them to get a card or at least say it or something. Or gives you a card on their behalf.

I take it she still lives under that other roof with that "father figure"? I bet if it came to you guys living under one roof...the next fathers day...you'd be seen more as the father figure. It's hard to judge..not knowing how long the relationship has been, or how much time you get to spend yet with her son, etc. I can see and feel your situation...as you know a bit of mine based on some PMs we've had.

Yeah I'm bummed about it kinda. I didn't forget her on Mothers Day..actually she pretty much let me know what she wanted for Mothers Day
but I wouldn't have forgot her anyways.

There is a bit of competition there even tho there really shouldn't be...I guess it shouldn't be a big deal, just needed some opinions.

[Keg Party]

I'd get a new girlfriend.

really, can you elaborate?
Thanks

[Debbie]

really, can you elaborate?
Thanks

She should have just as much consideration for you as you do for her. If not, the relationship is out of balance.

[YeOldeStonecat]

Yeah I'm bummed about it kinda. I didn't forget her on Mothers Day..actually she pretty much let me know what she wanted for Mothers Day
but I wouldn't have forgot her anyways.

There is a bit of competition there even tho there really shouldn't be...I guess it shouldn't be a big deal, just needed some opinions.

If she played that game on mothers day...and blew off fathers day...that would make me go "Hmmmm"...esp if she "remembered" that other father figure guy.

I'll be honest...knowing myself to be a very competitive..and jealous guy...the fact that she's still under the roof with another guy...would drive me nuts. I couldn't stand that. IMO that's quite a bit of added emotional material. I don't know the history of them....I don't know if I'd believe it if she ever said "nothing" ever happened between them. My mind would tend to wander that there's a reason she thought of "him" first..for fathers day. I don't know if I could continue a relationship when "she" is living under the roof with another male. I couldn't stand the limited contact my wife has with her ex...due to the 5yo daughter and time she spends split between us and the idiot. Had to lay down some law....he is not to come over our house (such as to drop off Marissa) unless I am there...never when I'm not there. And wife is never to go to his house to pick her up...only with me..or I'll do it myself.

[Keg Party]

If she played that game on mothers day...and blew off fathers day...that would make me go "Hmmmm"...esp if she "remembered" that other father figure guy.

I'll be honest...knowing myself to be a very competitive..and jealous guy...the fact that she's still under the roof with another guy...would drive me nuts. I couldn't stand that. IMO that's quite a bit of added emotional material. I don't know the history of them....I don't know if I'd believe it if she ever said "nothing" ever happened between them. My mind would tend to wander that there's a reason she thought of "him" first..for fathers day. I don't know if I could continue a relationship when "she" is living under the roof with another male. I couldn't stand the limited contact my wife has with her ex...due to the 5yo daughter and time she spends split between us and the idiot. Had to lay down some law....he is not to come over our house (such as to drop off Marissa) unless I am there...never when I'm not there. And wife is never to go to his house to pick her up...only with me..or I'll do it myself.

I'm the same way and it does drive me crazy. We've had some pretty damn good arguements about it, what goes on, what's went on, etc etc. The wedding is a long ways off which is good, but I do think I'm going to have to have changes soon or it's just not going to work....which really sucks because I'm very much in love with her.

[TonyT]

Daddy and father are "job titles". It doesn't mattter who the "real" fathers are. If you are weraing the "daddy hat" then you deserve the "happy father's day" wishes. This is true for own kids and steps kids.

But realize that this wish does not come automatically just because one happens to be there with kids. The "daddy hat" must be continually created.

You say you've only been together a year. Expect xmas wishes, birthday wishes, new years wishes, but don't expect father's day wishes yet. That you consider yourself "father" has little bearing. More important is whether or not wife/kids consider you as father.

I would not expect a father's day wish from someone I was not married to yet. Remember, getting married does not make you "the father" in her mind either. It only makes you the husband. "Father" must be earned.

I've been married 18 years. My wife came with a 2 yr old and we had 2 more. It took several years until my step daugheter called me daddy. She's 23 now. Yesterday was the first time that on her own she called me and wished me happy father's day. It made me very happy that she remembered. But I could really care less about the holiday. After all, many times I forgot to wish my father happy father's day!

[Gixxer]

I'm the same way and it does drive me crazy. We've had some pretty damn good arguements about it, what goes on, what's went on, etc etc. The wedding is a long ways off which is good, but I do think I'm going to have to have changes soon or it's just not going to work....which really sucks because I'm very much in love with her.

that is only half of the battle. has to be a 2 way street.

[downhill]

really, can you elaborate?
Thanks

Because it seems to me that she looks at the relationship as a one way street. Life's too short.

[CableDude]

I don't know if it would bother me. Probably not.

I would however have an issue with "the other guy" living in the same household.

[MadDoctor]

I would however have an issue with "the other guy" living in the same household if he were not sleeping in my bed.

Fixed for Brent's truth.

[Dan]

Fixed for Brent's truth.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coming_out

maybe that will help him too !

[Joint Chiefs of Staff]

While I agree the members in this thread share some valuable and most importantly, commendable points, I would be deeply sadden if my wife or close friends did not wish me a Happy Father's Day knowing damn well you have a child. Hell, my wife wished me Happy Fathers Day 2 days before Sunday and then again 3 x's on Sunday.

I was in past relationships and each girlfriend I was with at that time would wish me a Happy Fathers Day. You have earned that right just by having a child regardless of your current relationship status. It's down right troublesome to me.

I would play the same ignore card on say... her birthday, but be prepared for the wrath of a woman. lol I would do it, but then again that is just me.

You didn't mention if you wished her Happy Mothers Day in May. Did you? If so, did you buy her a gift or a card at least? I figure at the stage of your relationship a simple Happy Mothers day would have sufficed.

Personally, I am on Downhill's side being he is older, wiser, and drinks top shelf booze.

[Keg Party]

While I agree the members in this thread share some valuable and most importantly, commendable points, I would be deeply sadden if my wife or close friends did not wish me a Happy Father's Day knowing damn well you have a child. Hell, my wife wished me Happy Fathers Day 2 days before Sunday and then again 3 x's on Sunday.

I was in past relationships and each girlfriend I was with at that time would wish me a Happy Fathers Day. You have earned that right just by having a child regardless of your current relationship status. It's down right troublesome to me.

I would play the same ignore card on say... her birthday, but be prepared for the wrath of a woman. lol I would do it, but then again that is just me.

You didn't mention if you wished her Happy Mothers Day in May. Did you? If so, did you buy her a gift or a card at least? I figure at the stage of your relationship a simple Happy Mothers day would have sufficed.

Personally, I am on Downhill's side being he is older, wiser, and drinks top shelf booze.

Thanks for the info man.
I mentioned it alot, and she so nicely told me she wanted a Coach turtle pendant for Mothers Day, which she got with dinner.....

[MissTynker2]

I realize that this thread was aimed more at the fella's opinions...but coming from a woman's point of view...I just have to say to her...treat others as you would wish them to treat you! She apparantly made a big issue out of Mothers Day... you reponded and complied...then that respect should have been returned to you for Fathers Day as well !

I also agree with what has already been posted here by several...I would have a much larger issue with her still living under the "Father" figures roof!

I would definitely also speak to her about both issues, to let her know just how they make you feel.

Best of luck!

[JawZ]

OK...so you guys know I'm engaged, been together almost a year now, etc etc.

So I spend the day with my son and my fiance' with friends and their kids having a cookout and stuff. Not really thinking much all day as to whether or not my fiance' is going to tell me Happy Fathers Day or anything..didn't really have to get me anything, just let me know she thought of me. Nothing. So I jokingly asked last night, 11pm or so...so whadja get me for fathers day? She says Nothing...I've been with you all weekend. Then about 30 minutes later she says I'll get you something..I just said I don't need anything it was just the point...even doing or making something would have been nice.

There's more that I can't really get into, but lets say the she remembered someone else on that day that isn't her father so it's just disappointing

I'm I just being whiney?

Take a step back.....what would be your advice to a friend in the same situation?

From my POV, her still having this "friend" is a BIG HUGE GIGANTIC red flag lol.

Posting on an internet forum is basically your way of dealing with what is going on in your gut...you know it's wrong to be treated this way but you want some backup.

Ok...so here is your backup....drop her like a bad habit.

[stevebakh]

By the sounds of things, she doesn't seem to hold you in the same (high) regard, as you do for her. Quite a few things stand out from what you've posted:

You've been together less than a year.

You already have hefty arguments.

She feels comfortable enough to make demands for a holiday as small as mothers day. Maybe this is just a difference in culture, perhaps it's a larger holiday in the US, but over here, mothers and fathers day is just a way of showing your appreciation for the job your parents have done bringing you up. It's not on par with say, christmas, or a birthday and unless the child is still very young, it's rarely conveyed by the other parent.

/shrugs

I wouldn't think of spending the rest of my life with a woman I wasn't already 101% sure about. Like DH said, life's simply too short. There's no middle-ground, either they're perfect for you, or they're not. Don't expect a change in personality from the other person, because it's clear that this is much less a personality issue, than an issue of how she views you.

Again... less than 1 year together. Nuts.

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now and that's a heavy 3 years too, we've near enough lived together since the beginning. We never get to the stage where we're having arguments, certainly not big arguments. It sounds like you and your partner have far too many issues to consider getting married, especially when you've been together such a short time.



Summary:

Posting on an internet forum is basically your way of dealing with what is going on in your gut...you know it's wrong to be treated this way but you want some backup.

<snip>Drop her like a bad habit.

[Ken]

Many have said the same thing, take heed...

If nothing else, as stated, love is way out of balance and that means a time-bomb is building... Sure, you can get over it and prolong the inevitable, however, sooner or later you will realize you lack happiness in the relationship. (Yes, one must be happy with themselves first, but others can add to that foundation of happiness, and if she don't...)

My honest advice, slam dat a$$ like a screen door in a hurricane and keep your eyes open for better options... Begin to lose the attachment to her now... She helped you with what you needed, when you needed it (Getting past the other one...) but now her time is short lived... isalud!

[jasonb31]

I'd get a new girlfriend.

I'm with you on that, She has her mind elsewhere.

[Randy]

I 'm sorry I didn't understand or comprehend > Keg party but do you have a child or care for any child as if it were your own? If the answer is yes. I would suggest a serious evaluation of the relationship your in. Consideration for each other is essential.

[Bouncer]

Thanks for the info man.
I mentioned it alot, and she so nicely told me she wanted a Coach turtle pendant for Mothers Day, which she got with dinner.....

My advice, fwiw. Air this out with her. The sooner the better.

Resentments build over time and they are like an acid eating away at your relationship. Sooner or later they lead to some sort of blowout, probably over something completely unrelated. There are words said that cannot be taken back, pride hurt unnecessarily, and even more damage to the relationship, ending up in a cycle of tit-for-tat retribution.

Talk to her about these issues, and do it soon. Don't way lay her though, dumping a ton on her and expecting an instant response. People need time to digest, and time to recognize how they've gone wrong. Lay out the issues, tell her you want her to spend some time thinking about it (or that you're going to spend the night in a hotel away from her or something), and then tell her to come back to you when she's ready to talk.

Regards,
-Bouncer-

[triniwasp]

Take a step back.....what would be your advice to a friend in the same situation?

From my POV, her still having this "friend" is a BIG HUGE GIGANTIC red flag lol.

Posting on an internet forum is basically your way of dealing with what is going on in your gut...you know it's wrong to be treated this way but you want some backup.

Ok...so here is your backup....drop her like a bad habit.