Brent's bean bombs

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Fri Jan 24, 2003 7:25 pm

It might have been the bean dip, it might have been the salsa. The 8 hard-boiled eggs were contributors… as were the prunes. Regardless of what it was... Brent had gas. Killer gas. That kind of gas that makes your eyes water. A noxious frontal attack on the olfactory sensors. Brent smiled. He was so proud of his newly acquired talent.

Brent first realized he had killer gas that morning as he lay in bed. He squeaked one off and then fluffed the covers so he could give it the “sniff” test. The smell that hit his nose caused an immediate shutdown of all breathing. The cat left the room as if shot from a cannon. His butt burned.

Perfect.

Brent jumped into his car and drove to his job. Oh what fun he would have today. As he drove into the parking lot, he ripped one off deep into the car seat. Before he could turn off the engine, the noxious fumes brought tears to his eyes. He leaped from the car and slammed the door trapping the gas inside.

As he walked to the elevator, he once again had the need to fart. Good. He was alone in the elevator. He’d leave a “gift” for the next unfortunate slob who jumped in. Holding his breath, he let loose with 3 feet of mustard gas. Brent jumped from the elevator when the doors opened and hid behind a potted plant. From here… he could see who got in the elevator next. It was a professor. As the man stepped in… the elevator doors started to close... Brent could hear the guy scream “Oh My God!” “What in the hell died in here?” the doors shut.

Sitting in the open area, Brent hummed to himself as he typed away at the keyboard. There were other people around him but the partitions gave him a small degree of privacy. Lifting his right leg... Brent let loose a silent killer. At first there was no reaction. Brent could smell it but it hadn’t made its way to anyone else. Suddenly there was a frantic shuffling of chairs followed by a the shriek of a woman’s voice “Oh my God!” “Who just loaded their diapers?” “Oh my God... I can’t breath.” This was followed by a frantic attempt to flee the office. From there… it was a domino affect as each person in each cubical suddenly was exposed to the fumes. Brent was in tears laughing so hard.

Not to put blame on himself, Brent quickly jumped up and pointed at the cheesy little computer nerd in the cubical next to his and screamed “It was Tom! Tom did it”. Brent then joined the scared huddled group gathered in the hallway and further fanned the flames that Tom was the culprit.

As the hours ticked away, it became harder and harder to find a place in the building where one could breathe. Fumes oozed everywhere. Several people called the EPA and a few others took the rest of the day off sick. Brent enjoyed his workday until OSHA closed the building. As Brent opened the door to his car, the smell of stale fart hit him in the face. Brent quickly jumped into the car and closed the door. He’d enjoy the smell on the way home. But first... a stop at the store. Maybe some beans, beer, eggs and salsa.

The End.

downhill · Post by **downhill** » Fri Jan 24, 2003 7:34 pm

LOL

Your dememted....

All I can say is....thank goodness for Federal anti smoking laws inside of buildings..

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Fri Jan 24, 2003 10:45 pm

BUMP for Brent.

Frickin' riot!

nepenthe · Post by **nepenthe** » Fri Jan 24, 2003 10:59 pm

Be wary of any man "armed" with cruciferous vegetables and legumes.....

Danger: Blast Area

poptom · Post by **poptom** » Fri Jan 24, 2003 11:25 pm

There was a news report the other day about a guy who fell asleep in a closed room after eating a lot of beans. He died of methane gas poisoning.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Fri Jan 24, 2003 11:28 pm

Originally posted by poptom
There was a news report the other day about a guy who fell asleep in a closed room after eating a lot of beans. He died of methane gas poisoning.

I better watch myself after eating some crab dip then.

poptom · Post by **poptom** » Fri Jan 24, 2003 11:39 pm

Just don't inhale.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Fri Jan 24, 2003 11:40 pm

Originally posted by poptom
Just don't inhale.

Gas Mask

Indy · Post by **Indy** » Fri Jan 24, 2003 11:42 pm

Originally posted by poptom
Just don't inhale.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Fri Jan 24, 2003 11:47 pm

Originally posted by Indy

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Sat Jan 25, 2003 12:12 am

OMG ROTFLMFAO!

that was hillarious man, your a good writer person dude

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Sat Jan 25, 2003 12:14 am

Originally posted by Brent
your a good writer person dude

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Sat Jan 25, 2003 12:17 am

I'm here all week. Buy me a drink.

Indy · Post by **Indy** » Sat Jan 25, 2003 12:19 am

Originally posted by MadDoctor
I'm here all week. Buy me a drink.

Here ya go...even in your favorite color

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 1:13 pm

Originally posted by Indy
Here ya go...even in your favorite color

Nice! That pink matches my favorite bra.

Post by **YeOldeStonecat** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 1:22 pm

Not BaaaAAAaaad!

Been a while since your stories have graced the forum 'Doc!

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 1:27 pm

Originally posted by YeOldeStonecat

Been a while since your stories have graced the forum 'Doc!

Sorry about that. It seems I have less time to write anymore… although I can’t point to any one thing that’s sucking up my time. I’ll see if I can’t find the time to write a new one this week.

Bastid · Post by **Bastid** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 3:41 pm

That was great MD!!!!

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Mon Jun 30, 2003 4:58 pm

lol nice one Mad.

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Tue Mar 02, 2004 7:29 pm

^bump^ for my buddy Brent.

Bastid · Post by **Bastid** » Tue Mar 02, 2004 7:36 pm

MD i still giggled my buttocks off...

SeedOfChaos · Post by **SeedOfChaos** » Tue Mar 02, 2004 7:42 pm

LMFAO! I almost fell off my chair laughing, literally! Also read it to a friend, too awesome!

I didn't even remember reading it originally, thanks for the bump!

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Tue Mar 02, 2004 8:42 pm

Yes, a classic MD story indeed!

Kyle · Post by **Kyle** » Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:37 am

http://www.ksilebo.com/realamerican/Bud ... Passer.mp3

Kyler1

MadDoctor · Post by **MadDoctor** » Wed Mar 03, 2004 12:39 am

Originally posted by Kyler1
http://www.ksilebo.com/realamerican/Bud ... Passer.mp3

Kyler1

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Wed Mar 03, 2004 1:10 am

Originally posted by MadDoctor
^bump^ for my buddy Brent.

i love you

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Wed Mar 03, 2004 1:29 am

Originally posted by Kyler1
http://www.ksilebo.com/realamerican/Bud ... Passer.mp3

Kyler1

Crack open a bud light and while you're at it, crack open a window.

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:23 pm

Bump

MissTynker2 · Post by **MissTynker2** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:59 pm

MadDoctor wrote:I'm here all week. Buy me a drink.

Order up Darlin'!...<<< ex_bartender here!

Ken · Post by **Ken** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 3:15 pm

Nice try Doc! Trying to slip this old one by me... I could smell foul as soon as I opened this thread!

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 3:16 pm

MadDoctor wrote:

Doc, you are killing me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 3:22 pm

Bumb or not, my first time reading, brung a smile to this boring day. Nice JOB.

Lefty

Brent · Post by **Brent** » Tue Jun 29, 2004 3:24 pm

I'm out of toilet paper

Blisster · Post by **Blisster** » Sat Sep 11, 2004 3:12 am

peeeeee-yewwwwwwwwww!

Roody · Post by **Roody** » Wed Oct 06, 2004 1:58 pm

*bump*

SG Broadband Community

Brent's bean bombs

Brents bean bombs

You bad!!!