Ok I had enough I want a divorce - where do I start?

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Fri Dec 20, 2002 11:55 pm

Seriuosly, been trying this with my wife now for the past several months, even had a thread here a few months back and people gave me advice.

I cannot take it anymore.

I told her if you are so unhappy, you leave. She wont leave. She told me if I want a divorce so bad that I should leave.

But if I leave, wont it look bad in the courts, and I get screwed?

How do you pick out a divorce lawyer? Just random out of the yellow pages..I have no clue where to go from here and just so damn unhappy. my wife is such a total b**tch

CiscoKid · Post by **CiscoKid** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:03 am

Can't help you, sorry...

Is your state a community property state?

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:04 am

I am in NY, and divorce law is relaly confusing me, maybe because I cannot think straight and I am just so angry right now.

TiZzyIsTriPpIn · Post by **TiZzyIsTriPpIn** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:05 am

There are 2 types of divorces....Contested and Uncontested. Uncontested divorces are where both parties are in agreement of what everyone gets...blah blah blah.....Uncontested is where you guys fight over who gets what. Judge wont care if your the one that left or not. Just go into a lawyers office and have a chat with one. They will explain all of the fine details to you.

ScottE · Post by **ScottE** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:08 am

Originally posted by TiZzyIsTriPpIn
There are 2 types of divorces....Contested and Uncontested. Uncontested divorces are where both parties are in agreement of what everyone gets...blah blah blah.....contested is where you guys fight over who gets what. Judge wont care if your the one that left or not. Just go into a lawyers office and have a chat with one. They will explain all of the fine details to you.

Edited your post there LOL

and here is the old thread https://www.speedguide.net/forums/ ... adid=88210

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:09 am

Originally posted by TiZzyIsTriPpIn
There are 2 types of divorces....Contested and Uncontested. Uncontested divorces are where both parties are in agreement of what everyone gets...blah blah blah.....Uncontested is where you guys fight over who gets what. Judge wont care if your the one that left or not. Just go into a lawyers office and have a chat with one. They will explain all of the fine details to you.

Really so if I ust pick up and leave it wont be held against me?

I doubt it would be an uncontested divorce...

A_old · Post by **A_old** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:09 am

u said u were angry..have u thought about it a lot when you weren't angry...cause it's a big step..just my 2c bro.. good luck

ScottE · Post by **ScottE** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:17 am

Originally posted by davy19
Really so if I ust pick up and leave it wont be held against me?

I doubt it would be an uncontested divorce...

Consult a lawyer first before doing anything, call the New York Bar Association and have them recomend a qualified Divorce layer to you. Or try http://www.abcny.org/http://www.eriebar.org/http://www.nassaubar.org/

EvilAngel · Post by **EvilAngel** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:21 am

you still getting divorced?

downhill · Post by **downhill** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:23 am

Are there kids involved? If so, I'd recommend counseling before divorce.

ScottE · Post by **ScottE** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:24 am

Originally posted by downhill
Are there kids involved? If so, I'd recommend counseling before divorce.

Read the old thread https://www.speedguide.net/forums/ ... adid=88210

downhill · Post by **downhill** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:27 am

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:35 am

Originally posted by downhill
Are there kids involved? If so, I'd recommend counseling before divorce.

Yes I have one daughter who is 7...only reason I even stuck it out this long.

EvilAngel · Post by **EvilAngel** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:36 am

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:38 am

Originally posted by EvilAngel
you still getting divorced?

Was trying to work it out, but no matter what I say or do, my wife is a total control freak, and I feel like I am 15 years old have to ask my mother to do anything.

When I do talk to her and tell her why I am unhappy, she tells me I have no reason to complian..bla blah blah..basically saying my feelings dont count.

She spends all my money and when I buy anything I have to ask permission, it total crap..

EvilAngel · Post by **EvilAngel** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:45 am

Cut her off, buy what you want. If you make the money and you pay what needs to be payed but what the fuc ever you want after that... is your ol lady a golden gloves boxer or something?

Take charge, make it the way you want and if she doesn't like it show her the door... no need to put too much effort into something already lost.

whatever happens I wish you luck. I can relate to your situation in a big way. nothing in life seems to be easy for me , let alone, when others feel the need to run how I live my life...

Grab those nuts of yours, put your head up and take charge...

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:54 am

but then all she does is yell and scream, and I can only take so much.

But yeah at this point maybe I should just spend as much as I want and say screw her until she decides to leave.

EvilAngel · Post by **EvilAngel** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:57 am

Originally posted by davy19
but then all she does is yell and scream, and I can only take so much.

But yeah at this point maybe I should just spend as much as I want and say screw her until she decides to leave.

Secure your finances first.

zooner · Post by **zooner** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 1:36 am

i beleive you can lock up your credit, so if she tried to get a credit card in both of your names or using your credit history... it'll be locked out.

something to think about.

JawZ · Post by **JawZ** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 1:55 am

Get your finances straight ASAP. And don't let her try to get half of what you have.....she already has it due to her spending habits.

RoundEye · Post by **RoundEye** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 2:03 am

davy19,
Man I really hate seeing a family break up, it's so tragic because at one time there had to be love involved. But if you are that unhappy, you really need to part ways. I'm sure the kids can feel the anger and it can't be good on them. Not that divorce is much better.

I most definitely would see a lawyer before you say anything to the wife. Proper planning will go a long way for you.

Good luck, it's going to be a long hard road for you.

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:17 pm

Hwen everyone says get your finanaces straihtened what do you mean exactly? I am confused, i know it sounds stupid.

I tried calling several different lawyers just to see if the offer free consultations, but all I got was answering machines, I guess they dont work on saturdays, guess will have to wait till monday

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:23 pm

Originally posted by davy19
Hwen everyone says get your finanaces straihtened what do you mean exactly? I am confused, i know it sounds stupid.

I tried calling several different lawyers just to see if the offer free consultations, but all I got was answering machines, I guess they dont work on saturdays, guess will have to wait till monday

Get your finances straight meaning...

Take her name off your credit cards. Cancel the ones that you co-signed or that are in her name or else you'll be paying for them in the long run.

Go to the bank and take her name off the accounts. Especially if you are the primary banker. Cancel all your credit cards now and order new ones strictly in your name.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:29 pm

Most importantly...

If you have direct deposit from work create a new account at your work and have the direct deposit put into the new account created.

Might take a week or two to kick in but at least you will preserve YOUR money.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:32 pm

I've learned one thing in life during a break up.

Don't tell them.

Women become evil vindictive creatures no matter how the relationship ends. Given the chance on their own or via peer pressure from friends or family they WILL try and hang you out to dry and leave you with nothing and claim everything.

Get a lawyer and if you leave, communicate via lawyers only.

Period.

This will better help you in court when she says you did this or said that on the phone etc. which in most cases they favor the women in that case. But if you leave it shows to a point that you were the willing partner to go on especially when a lawyer is involved.

In the end you only have yourself so shield your ass from being violated when and if this all goes down.

downhill · Post by **downhill** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:33 pm

Try my above suggestion, first...it's way cheaper than a divorce..and since you do have offspring...it would be good for her, also.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:34 pm

Originally posted by downhill
Try my above suggestion, first...it's way cheaper than a divorce..and since you do have offspring...it would be good for her, also.

I agree

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:43 pm

Davy I have just one question for you?

Did you buy your wife any Christmas gifts?

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:43 pm

wait just to understand.

We both have credit cards that are only in our name.

Do I have to cancel the ones that are in her name? I dont think I can do that right because they are in her name?

Now there is one credit card that she opened up herself, long time befoer we met, then we got married, she added me to have a seocnd card, but I dont remmember ever signing anything. I need to get myself off that one too?

OxBlooD · Post by **OxBlooD** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:49 pm

OMG!!Dude whats wrong with you GeZZZ!!!

Use your head!!!Dont do anything dumb like living the house.This is what you do like EA said Secure your finances first. Transfer whatever money you got into you own bank account,get direct deposit.Dont let her handle your money.It's YOURRRR MoNEYYY!!!!Geezz OMG!!!

Take charge of the house bills.If she wants money Let her use her own money or let her ask you for some and then say no

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:53 pm

Originally posted by davy19
wait just to understand.

We both have credit cards that are only in our name.

Do I have to cancel the ones that are in her name? I dont think I can do that right because they are in her name?

Now there is one credit card that she opened up herself, long time before we met, then we got married, she added me to have a second card, but I don't remember ever signing anything. I need to get myself off that one too?

You should be safe if you are not a co-signer or vise versa.

You can't cancel the ones that are in her name. I wouldn't advise attempting to do so either. I have no idea how to get your name cleared if you were a co-signer to any of her cards, if she has any.

OxBlooD · Post by **OxBlooD** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:53 pm

Originally posted by davy19
wait just to understand.

We both have credit cards that are only in our name.

Do I have to cancel the ones that are in her name? I dont think I can do that right because they are in her name?

Now there is one credit card that she opened up herself, long time befoer we met, then we got married, she added me to have a seocnd card, but I dont remmember ever signing anything. I need to get myself off that one too?

Dont worry about the credit cards in her name it's her credit.Just cancel any joint account Pronto!!!ASAP!!!Like now!!And transfer your money to your own personal account.Like yesterday!!

YARDofSTUF · Post by **YARDofSTUF** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:54 pm

Originally posted by davy19
I am in NY, and divorce law is relaly confusing me, maybe because I cannot think straight and I am just so angry right now.

if it were me i would leave for another state with better divorce laws and get residency there and then file

OxBlooD · Post by **OxBlooD** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:55 pm

One more thing Dont pay the bills on her credit card fvck her!!

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Sat Dec 21, 2002 12:55 pm

Originally posted by Joint Chiefs Of Staff
Davy I have just one question for you?

Did you buy your wife any Christmas gifts?

Still waiting.

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 1:15 pm

Originally posted by Joint Chiefs Of Staff
Still waiting.

nope, but not because i was angry, but we never buy anything for eachother, because it all comes out of the same money..or something like that

OxBlooD · Post by **OxBlooD** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 1:22 pm

Originally posted by davy19
nope, but not because i was angry, but we never buy anything for eachother, because it all comes out of the same money..or something like that

What same money??You make 85K and she make 150$A week

Dude Ive been in your shoes best thing to do put your money in your own account.ASAP.Handle your own money.What are you waiting for,for her permission.

Joint Chiefs of Staff · Sat Dec 21, 2002 1:24 pm

Originally posted by davy19
nope, but not because i was angry, but we never buy anything for eachother, because it all comes out of the same money..or something like that

Ok not the answer I was looking for.

I thought if you still bought her gifts that would show some kind of love.

Randy · Post by **Randy** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 2:15 pm

davy19

have you tried counselling? my wife and I have been in counselling 2 x a month for almost a year now. It really helps alot! I dont get very angry anymore. she still does but not as much.

never make a decision when you are angry ..calm down and then think about alll the moves you can make to put put yourself in the best possible position.. take plan into action when you are comfortable and confident NEVER WHEN U R ANGRY

goodluck, Randy

Ghosthunter · Post by **Ghosthunter** » Sat Dec 21, 2002 3:50 pm

thanks randy,

yeah actually my wife took my daughter and went to her brother for the weekend, she was planning on going there prior to all this happened,

but it now gives me a chance to cool down.

But i know what will happen, we cool down, things are meelow for a bit, for maybe a few weeks, and then bam we get into another huge fight.

I have been in coulsening, but she hasnt with me yet,

We need to go both together, i went myself to see if I really wanted to leave my wife, but we have been thorugh counseling a few years ago, it seemed to help i guess, but was only temporary...

I guess I am all confused...

For now I went picked up a nice pint bottle of yagermesiter..and seagram 7...i am going to relax myself now tonight, that is for sure.