Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 21 to 39 of 39

Thread: Low self opinion -- low self esteme -- getting them back!

  1. #21
    Peace Debbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    New Rochelle, New York
    Posts
    18,117
    I've been involved with self-development for a very long time. Our self-esteem is created at an early age.

    In my family, if you did not think like they did, you were knocked down for it. I was angry. It took me a long time to get over the pain and disappointment for not being accepted for the person that I am. As a result, I grew up with low self-esteem because I wanted to be accepted.

    After taking a hard look at the root of my problem, over time, I realized that I was ok and that in life, you cannot be accepted by everyone. It is just human nature. I was able to forgive and let go.

    I feel good about myself today and as for the family, well, they are still the same but I love them for it. All I needed was to acknowledge myself, know that I was living my life in a way that was right for me, and not be consumed with "the little girl that wanted them to accept me".

    I truly feel that we are brought into this world in certain environments to learn and evolve on a deeper level.

  2. #22
    R.I.P. 2018-07-16 RoundEye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    In a dry but moldy New Orleans, Louisiana
    Posts
    18,219
    Originally posted by brembo

    See many dudes running around that have perfect.......legs........etc?
    Do you drink paint?
    Sliding down the banister of life ..........................

  3. #23
    ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ downhill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    My Own Private Idaho
    Posts
    34,796
    If you were to measure your self-worth by the respect you have here, you wouldn't be posting. I do know that sometimes the actions or inactions of those you love and respect can have a huge impact on how you view yourself. But that's their problem and not yours.

    Also keep in mind that various things like medication has a huge impact on your situation, too.

    Time, my friend. You've overcome more than most people face in a lifetime.

  4. #24
    Elite Member TonyT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    Fairfax, VA
    Posts
    10,341
    Is there a way to actualy strengthen ones low self opinion and self esteme.?

    First off, self esteem is not an emotion, it is more the effect of one's own attitude toward life and one's own assessment of one's production, whatever the production may be, e.g. work, hobbies, family, etc etc.

    One can have a low self esteem as a result of:
    1. having one's production and viewpoints invalidated by others. (the ctitical boss, family member, supposed friend)
    2. having made less of others by invalidating them.
    3. seeing others invalidated and not doing anything about it.
    4. self-invalidation. (usually a culmination of the above and an effort to justify it's continuance)

    Production is the basis of ALL morale. One usually will not have thoughts about low self esteem unless one has not been working as hard lately or has been producing little of worth or value. (not necessarily economicially)

    There are roughly 8 or so distinct areas of Life that we operate in and on, and our efforts to survive and prosper affect some or all of them:
    1. self
    2, family
    3. groups (work, nation etc)
    4. mankind
    5. living things (plants & animals)
    6. physical world (non living things)
    7. spiritual things (ideas, thought, soul if believe in it)
    8. god or the idea that the spirit lives on)

    All of our actions can be said to target these differet areas of life. Sometimes we neglect some of these areas and produce little in or for them. Esteem drops.

    For instance, it is rare that I overtly think about how my daily actions are affecting mankind, but all that is really required is that I do not do things to harm mankind. (criminal actions) Others actively spend their days in an effort to greatly help mankind. (some politicians, businessmen, charities, etc)

    Yet my self esteem is not low because I do less for mankind than I do for the physical world. (I do construction work, basically I destroy existing stuiff and create new stuff) The reason being that no one area of life is more important than another and importance is solely based upon the individual's own considerations about life.

    I have yet to rake the leaves in my back yard. Now they are covered with 4" of snow. I have not nor will I lose sleep over that! It justr means that come spring, if I wish the lawn to survive, that I do something about it. (that's one of the reasons I have kids!)

    EA -
    Set some new goals for yourself and set out to achieve them. Happiness will result from the overcoming of the obstacles in the way of reaching those goals.

    In the past, you overcame obstacles with a gun, or drugs, or a fist, or else had too few goals. Life is different now and requires that you live it in a different manner than you did when on the streets. You have overcome much in the last few years and self esteem should be up as a result. Take an honest look at what you have acomplished in the last 5 years and then compare that to the previous 20 yrs! Esteem any different now?
    No one has any right to force data on you
    and command you to believe it or else.
    If it is not true for you, it isn't true.

    LRH

  5. #25
    mikemean's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    406
    Posts
    8,705
    I'm kinda in the same boat as you EA. I am considering going to see a pyschiatrist. I am having trouble with analyzing everything and double checking things. And the obsessive compulsions (urges to do things)I have been getting. It's driving me crazy. Maybe we can go see a shrink together

  6. #26
    R.I.P. 2017-10-02 Joint Chiefs of Staff's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2001
    Location
    The Sandbox
    Posts
    42,832
    Originally posted by mikemean
    I'm kinda in the same boat as you EA. I am considering going to see a psychiatrist. I am having trouble with analyzing everything and double checking things. And the obsessive compulsions (urges to do things)I have been getting. It's driving me crazy. Maybe we can go see a shrink together
    Shrinks are good to a point. It's when you upset 1 or 4 by turning the tables on them and they throw clipboards in your general direction. Just a word of advise that's all.
    >>Cult Master of International Affairs<<

  7. #27
    Elite Member TonyT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    Fairfax, VA
    Posts
    10,341
    One more key key pouint I forgot to stress;

    A real cause of low self esteem is also the failure to be acknowledged for the production (work or in Life) that one has already accomplished.

    All too often we forget to really tell another how much we appreciate to good that have done and are doing, much less validate a worker or an employee for his jobs well done.

    So, EA, just in case you feel a bit uacknowledged:

    A VERY VERY WELL DONE FOR YOUR LIFE ACHIEVEMENTS TO DATE!
    No one has any right to force data on you
    and command you to believe it or else.
    If it is not true for you, it isn't true.

    LRH

  8. #28
    ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ downhill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    My Own Private Idaho
    Posts
    34,796
    Originally posted by TonyT
    One more key key pouint I forgot to stress;

    A real cause of low self esteem is also the failure to be acknowledged for the production (work or in Life) that one has already accomplished.

    All too often we forget to really tell another how much we appreciate to good that have done and are doing, much less validate a worker or an employee for his jobs well done.

    So, EA, just in case you feel a bit uacknowledged:

    A VERY VERY WELL DONE FOR YOUR LIFE ACHIEVEMENTS TO DATE!
    I'd like to second that.....

  9. #29
    Peace Debbie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    New Rochelle, New York
    Posts
    18,117
    Originally posted by TonyT
    One more key key pouint I forgot to stress;

    A real cause of low self esteem is also the failure to be acknowledged for the production (work or in Life) that one has already accomplished.

    All too often we forget to really tell another how much we appreciate to good that have done and are doing, much less validate a worker or an employee for his jobs well done.

    So, EA, just in case you feel a bit uacknowledged:

    A VERY VERY WELL DONE FOR YOUR LIFE ACHIEVEMENTS TO DATE!
    APPLAUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL DITTO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. #30
    Certified SG Addict CableDude's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Posts
    26,784
    Originally posted by TonyT
    All too often we forget to really tell another how much we appreciate to good that have done and are doing, much less validate a worker or an employee for his jobs well done.
    I always tell my employees "hey, good job" or "keep up the good work". Too bad I'm not told the same by my boss.

  11. #31
    disabled account Deus ex Machina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Location
    lost in a dream
    Posts
    2,722
    Originally posted by TonyT
    One more key key pouint I forgot to stress;

    A real cause of low self esteem is also the failure to be acknowledged for the production (work or in Life) that one has already accomplished.

    All too often we forget to really tell another how much we appreciate to good that have done and are doing, much less validate a worker or an employee for his jobs well done.

    So, EA, just in case you feel a bit uacknowledged:

    A VERY VERY WELL DONE FOR YOUR LIFE ACHIEVEMENTS TO DATE!
    Absolutely!! Well said.
    blessed be................

  12. #32
    ACEmeaniSPANKER EvilAngel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Garden Grove
    Posts
    18,950
    Totaly impressive post, very informative, thought provoking.

    I guess I DO have issues with being invalidated. Most likely the # 1 cause of this feeling at this time in my life. I have alot on my plate and have been feeling , feelings of doubt and depression and anxiety.


    Originally posted by TonyT
    First off, self esteem is not an emotion, it is more the effect of one's own attitude toward life and one's own assessment of one's production, whatever the production may be, e.g. work, hobbies, family, etc etc.

    One can have a low self esteem as a result of:
    1. having one's production and viewpoints invalidated by others. (the ctitical boss, family member, supposed friend)
    2. having made less of others by invalidating them.
    3. seeing others invalidated and not doing anything about it.
    4. self-invalidation. (usually a culmination of the above and an effort to justify it's continuance)

    Production is the basis of ALL morale. One usually will not have thoughts about low self esteem unless one has not been working as hard lately or has been producing little of worth or value. (not necessarily economicially)

    There are roughly 8 or so distinct areas of Life that we operate in and on, and our efforts to survive and prosper affect some or all of them:
    1. self
    2, family
    3. groups (work, nation etc)
    4. mankind
    5. living things (plants & animals)
    6. physical world (non living things)
    7. spiritual things (ideas, thought, soul if believe in it)
    8. god or the idea that the spirit lives on)

    All of our actions can be said to target these differet areas of life. Sometimes we neglect some of these areas and produce little in or for them. Esteem drops.

    For instance, it is rare that I overtly think about how my daily actions are affecting mankind, but all that is really required is that I do not do things to harm mankind. (criminal actions) Others actively spend their days in an effort to greatly help mankind. (some politicians, businessmen, charities, etc)

    Yet my self esteem is not low because I do less for mankind than I do for the physical world. (I do construction work, basically I destroy existing stuiff and create new stuff) The reason being that no one area of life is more important than another and importance is solely based upon the individual's own considerations about life.

    I have yet to rake the leaves in my back yard. Now they are covered with 4" of snow. I have not nor will I lose sleep over that! It justr means that come spring, if I wish the lawn to survive, that I do something about it. (that's one of the reasons I have kids!)



    EA -
    Set some new goals for yourself and set out to achieve them. Happiness will result from the overcoming of the obstacles in the way of reaching those goals.

    In the past, you overcame obstacles with a gun, or drugs, or a fist, or else had too few goals. Life is different now and requires that you live it in a different manner than you did when on the streets. You have overcome much in the last few years and self esteem should be up as a result. Take an honest look at what you have acomplished in the last 5 years and then compare that to the previous 20 yrs! Esteem any different now?.

    I have been setting goals but some of the time I lack the motavation.. I lose sight. I can make excuses as to why all day long but the excuses will only be that still. Maybe better time managment on my part and a more realistic approach to what's in hand.


    Yes, the past 5 years I have been through some serious instances and and overcome some very tramatic situations and emotions... I am very proud of myself for that... 100%

    Yes I do feel better! Thanks you for your time to help me out on this... I tried to wait and see if I could search within and find a more meaningful responce to your post but as time went by I lost sight of what I was trying to convey.. damn short term memory.

    Deus ex Machina ,brembo ,downhill ,TonyT ,TIGRESS-73,Norm,mikemean ,RoundEye,stu2 ,CableDude,Joint Chiefs Of Staff ,drdoug99,Immortal ,I appreciate all the opinions, suggestions and help from you all... I do feel better and I feel that I am armed with some knowlege that can be used in my favor....

    Thanks again.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Devil
    Tolerance is a virtue, not a requirement.
    SG Theme Song

  13. #33
    disabled account
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    between pain, bliss and the Garden State
    Posts
    6,176
    To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, "No one can make you feel bad unless you allow it".

    david
    I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.

  14. #34
    ACEmeaniSPANKER EvilAngel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Garden Grove
    Posts
    18,950
    Well, jui-jitsu helped some for a while but I still end up fighting some serious issues. I think the meds I was on (up untill Oct 2003) messed with my head even more. I tend to find myself disconnected with society and very hard to concentrate or stay focused. I say weird ass stuff all the time and as of late I have been getting mood swings with fits of anger all over again. I guess I have a difficult time accepting me for me. Life blows at times.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Devil
    Tolerance is a virtue, not a requirement.
    SG Theme Song

  15. #35
    SG Enthusiast Jstyr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2001
    Location
    The Swamp
    Posts
    2,822
    I noticed in your post you said many of your friends (or was it co-workers) were gang-banger types. My advice would be to get away from them. Those people will try and pull you down to their level. Also if they see you happy or successful they will unconsciously feel bad about themselves and may try to sabotage your happiness. You need friends that will encourgae you to A)succeed, B) be happy, and C) be yourself.

    One of the greatest things my dad ever told me (and this is when I was running around with shady folks and getting in trouble) is that....People who have nothing, and aspire to have nothing, will fight over words. Once you've acquired something important to you in life you'll realize how meaningless a few words are. Make sure you fight for what is important.

    Perhaps some of your friends and co-workers are the type my dad described above. Don't let their mindset become your mindset. Don't be sabotaged by their narrowmindedness.
    spec-
    Rig #1- AMD XP 2400+, A-Bit KR7A/266, Gainward Geforce3 ti200 64mb Golden Sample, 1GB Crucial DDR, 40 gig WD HDD (7200), XP PRO, Vantec Stealth 420 PSU, Soundblaster Live 5.1
    Rig #2- P4 2.4c, Abit IC7 800 FSB /w onboard sound, Radeon 9700 Pro 128, 1 Gig Corsair 3200 XMS, Dual (SATA) 36GB WD Raptor's in RAID 0, XP Pro, Antec Truepower 400
    Rig #3-AMD Barton 2500+, Albatron KX600 (via), 1 gig Corsair 3200, Radeon 9600 Pro 128, Seagate 80 gig HD, Antec Truepower 400

  16. #36
    ACEmeaniSPANKER EvilAngel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Garden Grove
    Posts
    18,950
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstyr
    I noticed in your post you said many of your friends (or was it co-workers) were gang-banger types. My advice would be to get away from them. Those people will try and pull you down to their level. Also if they see you happy or successful they will unconsciously feel bad about themselves and may try to sabotage your happiness. You need friends that will encourgae you to A)succeed, B) be happy, and C) be yourself.

    One of the greatest things my dad ever told me (and this is when I was running around with shady folks and getting in trouble) is that....People who have nothing, and aspire to have nothing, will fight over words. Once you've acquired something important to you in life you'll realize how meaningless a few words are. Make sure you fight for what is important.

    Perhaps some of your friends and co-workers are the type my dad described above. Don't let their mindset become your mindset. Don't be sabotaged by their narrowmindedness.
    Thanks for that! Thats is some awesome advice.
    As a matter of fact, Thursday I almost beat the crap out of two of them for sabotaging one of my luxurys at work. I was told that if my radio was turned up past a certain level that I would lose my radio privlages. Well, of the guys went into my work room and BLASTED the radioi after being told that it was not allowed. Well I took that as a direct lack of respect and I confronted him within seconds of him doing that. Well I guess I did stoop to his level and I about beat the living **** out of him.
    I learned from that though. I could have lost my job due to my antics and only I was to blame for that.

    Again thanks for your advice.
    Quote Originally Posted by The Devil
    Tolerance is a virtue, not a requirement.
    SG Theme Song

  17. #37
    Quote Originally Posted by Jstyr
    One of the greatest things my dad ever told me (and this is when I was running around with shady folks and getting in trouble) is that....People who have nothing, and aspire to have nothing, will fight over words. Once you've acquired something important to you in life you'll realize how meaningless a few words are. Make sure you fight for what is important.
    this is good advice, and true too!

  18. #38
    Hanging out with Prince Albert Needlefreak's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Jacksonville,Fl
    Posts
    2,455
    Quote Originally Posted by EvilAngel
    Is there a way to actualy strengthen ones low self opinion and self esteme.?

    Or overcome those emotions?


    Seems to me the best way to strengthen them would be to build confidence, which in itself is an entirely different objective.

    Would shrinks be effective in this area?

    How would one go about repairing a damaged low self opinion/esteme etc...

    TIA
    I wish I had a quarter of the determination you have...

    You've given life to a awsome lil creature...

    You've touched the bottom,seen what it looks and feels like and you came back up a better person..

    You smell alot better and no longer walk with a limp...

    I wanna grow up to be just like you...................but with more hair..

    More body piercings never hurt.

  19. #39
    Advanced Athlete AceFireball's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Greenville, NC
    Posts
    2,530
    Great Thread!

    I have only been here in the SG community for mabey a year but I know that you guys are awesome and always here to help each other out.

    EA ur an awesome guy and i know alot of times it seems like your own mind is out to get you but youve got to take control, ?mabey im not makin sense?, learn the things that make YOU happy, if its something practical (leagal, okay with family, somewhat safe) then do it and enjoy it (no i dont mean strippers when ur married) because that will put in a good frame of mind and in better control of what goes on up there. I notice you said u dont have much time so it doesnt have to be time consuming, it can be music, magazine, sports, movies, calling a good friend...whatever it may be. Sorry if its irrelevant but i guess i tried
    Member - Redneck Yacht Club

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •