Here at AT&T we have created a simple solution to make you hate managing your voice mail messages. The AT&T Unified Messaging system allows you to choose if you would liked to be annoyed over the phone, or from your personal computer.

Through a series of 25 questions you will be asked to answer we will determine the answer to the question, "Would you like your voice mail system to operate the same as it use to?" And, if the answer is yes, we will then set your new AT&T UM voice mail service up that way, except we will delete your old recorded message and change the number you call to get your messages, just to **** with you a little.

If you choose to set up your new AT&T UM voice mail service from a computer, we can provide you an installation program to make things more complicated, that will download at only 50KB/s for added frustration if you find the browser based set up too acceptable.

For security reasons, upon entering the set up process will will make you change your temporary login, as it is incredibly simple to hack because we only used your publicly available phone number to created the login and password.

AT&T Unified Messaging understands the needs of its older and less tech savvy customers, and to further aggravate them we can change the voice mail system to use up to 4 sub mailboxes and combine their AT&T wireless voice mail with the new Unified messaging voice mail instead of using just 1 mailbox.

We at AT&T have watched lots of futuristic and spy movies, such as the Mission Impossible series, The Bourne series, and hackers. With the knowledge we have gained from these movies we will deter you from choosing to access your voice mail through the most convenient means available, as someone could physically tap into your line and gain access to your messages, which in a worst case scenario, could lead to the destruction of the world.

If for any reason, you are unsatisfied and feel we have not added enough bull**** into this process, feel free to call us and try to cancel your service. Our voice activated system is programmed to identify at least 31 incorrect words for each response you give, to further increase the length of the call and your level of frustration.