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Thread: Canadians will understand all of this.

  1. #1
    SG Enthusiast blacklab's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2000
    Grande Prairie, Alberta, Canada

    Canadians will understand all of this.

    Canadian Imposter
    As a Canadian, you have to be extra vigilant. There are a lot of impostors out there. If you suspect that someone is falsely trying to pass themselves off as a Canadian, make the following statement - and then carefully note their reaction:

    "Last night, I cashed my pogey and went to buy a mickey of C.C. at the beer parlour, but my skidoo got stuck in the muskeg on my way back to the duplex. I was trying to deke out a deer, you see. Damn chinook, melted everything. And then a Mountie snuck up behind me in a ghost car and gave me an impaired. I was S.O.L., sitting there dressed only in my Stanfields and a tuque at the time. And the Mountie, he's all chippy and everything, calling me a "sh*t disturber" and what not. What could I say, except, "Sorry, EH!"If the person you are talking to nods sympathetically, they're one of us.If, however, they stare at you with a blank incomprehension, they are not a real Canadian. Have them reported to the authorities at once.The passage cited above contains no fewer than 19 different Canadianisms. In order:

    * pogey: EI (Employment insurance). Money provided by the government for not working.
    * mickey: A small bottle of booze (13 oz) (A Texas mickey, on the other hand, is a ridiculously big bottle of booze, which, despite the name, is still a Canadianism through and through.)
    * C.C.: Canadian Club, a brand of rye. Not to be confused with "hockey stick," another kind of Canadian Club.
    * beer parlour: Like an ice cream parlour, but for Canadians.
    * skidoo: Self-propelled decapitation unit for teenagers, (Snow-Mobiles)
    * muskeg: Boggy swampland.
    * duplex: A single building divided in half with two sets of inhabitants - each trying to pretend the other doesn't exist while at the same time managing to drive each other crazy; metaphor for Canada's french and English.
    * deke: found in the dictionary as a "skillful misdirection." As a noun, it is used most often in exclamatory constructions, such as: "Whadda deke!" Meaning, "My, what an impressive display of physical dexterity employing misdirection and guile."
    * chinook: An unseasonably warm wind that comes over the Rockies and onto the plains, melting snow banks in Calgary but just missing Edmonton, much to the pleasure of Calgarians.
    * Mountie: Canadian icon, strong of jaw, red of coat, pure of heart.Always get their man! (See also Pepper spray, uses of.)
    * snuck: To have sneaked; to move, past tense, in a sneaky manner; non-restrictive extended semi-gerundial form of "did sneak." (We think.)
    * ghost car: An unmarked police car, easily identifiable by its
    * impaired: A charge of drunk driving. Used both as a noun and as an adjective (the alternative adjectival from of "impaired" being "pissed to the gills").
    * S.O.L.*: sh*t outta luck; in an unfortunate predicament.
    * Stanfields: Men's underwear, especially Grandpa-style, white cotton ones with a big elastic waistband and a large superfluous flap in the front and back!
    * tuque: Canada's official National Head Apparel, with about the same suave sex appeal as a pair of Stanfields
    * chippy: Behaviour that is inappropriately aggressive; constantly
    looking for a reason to find offense; from "chip on one's shoulder."(See WesternCanada) sh*t disturber: (See Quebec) a troublemaker or provocateur.

    *According to Katherine Barber, editor in Chief of the Canadian Oxford Dictionary, "sh*t disturber" is a distinctly Canadian term. (Just remember that Western Canada is chippy and Quebec is a sh*t disturber, and you will do fine.)

  2. #2
    Cybernetic Interloper ub3r_n00b's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Rivendel, East of The Ford of Bruinen
    Quote Originally Posted by blacklab View Post
    Canadian Imposter
    *According to Katherine Barber, editor in Chief of the Canadian Oxford Dictionary, "sh*t disturber" is a distinctly Canadian term. (Just remember that Western Canada is chippy and Quebec is a sh*t disturber, and you will do fine.)

    I think the best way to tell if someone is canadian is to call hockey players wusses, and then wait for them to jersey you and feed you shots.

    p.s. I understood all of that :P

  3. #3
    R.I.P. 2018-07-16 RoundEye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    In a dry but moldy New Orleans, Louisiana
    In writing I’ve had to be careful of local dialect as opposed to proper English.

    If I wrote,” the quadroon sat on the cool grass of the neutral ground to enjoy his po-boy and
    sno-ball because the banquette was too hot, remembering he had to pick up some beignets for a midnight snack before he head back to his shotgun. He hadn’t made groceries in quite a while.

    A large majority of y’all wouldn’t have a clue as to what I was talking about.
    Sliding down the banister of life ..........................

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