Results 1 to 12 of 12

Thread: Here’s Your Sign, a funny read

  1. #1
    R.I.P. 2018-07-16 RoundEye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    In a dry but moldy New Orleans, Louisiana
    Posts
    18,219

    Talking Here’s Your Sign, a funny read

    THE STUPID SIGN

    Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me... oops... never mind, didn't see your sign."

    It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

    A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

    I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

    Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

    We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

    I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning... okay... no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

    I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about minutes ago. Here's your sign."

    Anybody you know need a sign today?

    The next time someone says something stupid ask them where their sign is.
    Guess who?
    Sliding down the banister of life ..........................

  2. #2
    TypicalWhitePerson JC's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Single Wide
    Posts
    4,560
    Quote Originally Posted by RoundEye View Post
    Guess who?

    Bill Engvall is funny.
    Speedguide.... If you don't love Obama you won't like it here.
    Straight out the Trailer!
    Re.....Spect "walk"!

    MacBook Pro 2.33Ghz, 3G of Ram, OS X

  3. #3
    R.I.P. 2018-07-16 RoundEye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    In a dry but moldy New Orleans, Louisiana
    Posts
    18,219
    While Engal is no doubt funny as hell, Al Jaffee of Mad magazine started something like it in the late 60’s. Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.

    Jaffee has contributed to hundreds of MAD articles, both as a writer and an artist. These include his long-running "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions", and several articles on inventions and gadgets, which were presented in an elaborately detailed "blueprint" style.
    Wiki Link
    Sliding down the banister of life ..........................

  4. #4
    Senior Member Easto's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
    Location
    So. California
    Posts
    5,051
    George Carlin use to have a joke that everyone who is driving around should carry one of those rubber suction dart guns and whenever you see another driver doing something stupid you would shoot a dart onto their back window. When a cop sees a car with 2 or more darts on the window he pulls them over and gives them a ticket.

  5. #5
    R.I.P. 2018-07-16 RoundEye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    In a dry but moldy New Orleans, Louisiana
    Posts
    18,219
    …. and if you seen a car with one dart you knew to keep an eye out for that idiot.

    Sliding down the banister of life ..........................

  6. #6
    resident Humboldt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2000
    Location
    Northern CA
    Posts
    27,864
    Quote Originally Posted by RoundEye View Post
    Al Jaffee of Mad magazine started something like it in the late 60’s. Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions.
    I used to love those as a kid

    30 years ago but still...

  7. #7
    R.I.P. 2018-07-16 RoundEye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    In a dry but moldy New Orleans, Louisiana
    Posts
    18,219
    I was more of a Cracked kind of kid but I read Mad too.

    Cracked is out of print but you can still go to Cracked online though.

    I threw tons of those old mags away when I moved too.
    Sliding down the banister of life ..........................

  8. #8
    SG Wizard Ashdaw's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
    Location
    Smithfield, New South Wales, Australia, Australia
    Posts
    976
    Thanks for placing that here RoundEye, bloody great
    Main Computer:
    GA97X G3
    i7 4790K
    GTX960
    32gb Ram
    1TB Samsung 860 SSD
    NZXT Case

  9. #9
    Moderator YeOldeStonecat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    Somewhere along the shoreline in New England
    Posts
    50,943
    Quote Originally Posted by RoundEye View Post
    I was more of a Cracked kind of kid but I read Mad too.

    Cracked is out of print but you can still go to Cracked online though.

    I threw tons of those old mags away when I moved too.
    Ahh yes....had stacks of those mags growing up as a kid. Used to have quite a few of the Spy vs Spy books too.
    MORNING WOOD Lumber Company
    Guinness for Strength!!!

  10. #10
    Ohh Hell yeah.. Sava700's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Somewhere
    Posts
    24,052
    yeah always a funny guy that Bill was... he's kinda dyin off now so I'm sure something else will move into its place

  11. #11
    Moderator Roody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    30,761

  12. #12
    R.I.P. 2018-07-16 RoundEye's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2000
    Location
    In a dry but moldy New Orleans, Louisiana
    Posts
    18,219
    Quote Originally Posted by Sava700 View Post
    yeah always a funny guy that Bill was... he's kinda dyin off now so I'm sure something else will move into its place
    He’s probably laying back and enjoying his fame some. I wouldn’t be too quick to write him off, he’s one hell of a funny guy.
    Sliding down the banister of life ..........................

Similar Threads

  1. HOWTO: Overclock C2D (Core 2 Duo) and C2Q (Core 2 Quads) - A Guide
    By graysky in forum Hardware & Overclocking
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 04-23-10, 05:22 AM
  2. funny bush sign
    By Gixxer in forum General Discussion Board
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 06-15-08, 07:15 AM
  3. Replies: 34
    Last Post: 07-16-07, 05:17 PM
  4. Umm how does it work?
    By Rivas in forum Console Gaming
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 05-11-07, 12:27 AM
  5. Were can I find what slot I have for vid card
    By agustintorre in forum Hardware & Overclocking
    Replies: 51
    Last Post: 02-10-07, 04:59 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •