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Thread: Engineering Jokes

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    Engineering Jokes

    Understanding Engineers

    Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
    The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
    She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
    "The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Two

    To the optimist, the glass is half full.
    To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
    To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Three

    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
    The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
    The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.
    Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
    The greens keeper replied,
    "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
    The group was silent for a moment.
    The pastor said," That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
    The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Four

    What's the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
    Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

    Understanding Engineers - Take Five

    The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
    The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
    The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
    The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

    Understanding Engineers - Take Six

    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
    One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
    Another said, "It was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. "
    The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?

    Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

    "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
    Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

    Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

    An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
    The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
    The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there.
    The engineer said, "I like both."
    "Both?"
    "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

    Understanding Blondes

    A young ventriloquist

    A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas.
    With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
    Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:
    'I've heard enough of your stupid ass blonde jokes.
    What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
    What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being?
    It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person.
    Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!'
    The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, 'You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little **** on your knee'.
    Kinky is using a feather.
    Perverted is using the whole chicken.

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    Moderator Roody's Avatar
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    Forum Techie A_old's Avatar
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    very good

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