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Thread: How do you guys deal with jealousy?

  1. #1
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    How do you guys deal with jealousy?

    I've been going out with my girlfriend for almost 18 months now, and I absolutely love her. She recently went away to college, an engineering institute where the guy/girl ratio is about 85/15. The college is only about 75 miles from me, so it's a little over an hour drive to see her, and I do twice a week(at a cost of $200/month + NJ insurance). The problem is for the last 18 months we've been together almost everyday, and now I only get to see her 2-3 days a week. I've never felt as low as I do now, when I'm not with her I literally feel like I'm loosing my mind, I'm so torn. I know she wont cheat on me or leave me anytime soon, but I know she won't just sit in her dorm doing work the whole time, she'll end up at dorm and frat parties. She's not the type of girl that strives for attention, and she's good letting guys know she's not interested but she's (in my opinion the most beautiful person ever to live) very attractive, and the amount of guys hitting on her must be overwhelming.

    I know I can't control her, I wouldn't want to, I don't want her to feel caged, but every time (which isn't very frequent) she says she's going out for the night with her friends my stomach twists, and I try not to get upset. I've got so much spare time now that she's gone, I'm having trouble finding things to keep my mind occupied, I really can't stop thinking about her. I've been depressed since my early teens, and she 100% brought me out of it, life was great, and now when I'm not with her I feel worse then ever. When we first started dating she called me "Goil" because I hardly showed emotion, I grew up with a bi-polar older brother who I couldn't really show emotion around or I'd get criticized. He was just recently committed to a psych ward for paranoid schizophrenia for the 3rd time, btw.

    I've talked to her about all of this, and she genuinely says I have absolutely nothing to worry about, she loves me and knows nobody could love her as much and treat her as well as I do. She always says how different I am then every other guys shes ever met, and that all the guys at her school are chauvinistic and ignorant. I can't remember the last time I've cried, but ever since she left for school I've cried almost every night, I feel out of control. I know that she loves me, and that she's extremely busy with school, so she's not as torn as me because she just doesn't have the time to be, I just can't stop thinking that this is the beginning of the end. She seems to have more confidence in our relationship then I do, which is very comforting, but I still feel uneasy. I'm going to setup a therapist appointment today, we'll see how that goes.

    When I'm visiting her anytime I see another guy looking at her, let alone talking to her I feel enraged. I'm going up on Wednesday, and I'm going to try and meet with a lot of her friends, mainly the guys, hopefully I'll see that I don't have much to worry about.

    Any tips?

  2. #2
    Moderator YeOldeStonecat's Avatar
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    I'll be honest with you.....looking back to my late teen/early 20's years.....I couldn't do it, after seeing and experiencing college life. Back then I was the one who was dating someone and I went away to school after the first couple of years at a local branch of the college. She didn't go away to college.

    I saw a lots of relationships, where someone had their significant other back home, fizzle out. It's tough, it's brutal, you have to decide if you can put up with the constant worry.

    I'm not saying that it can't work..but you have to decide if you can deal with it or not.
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  3. #3
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Sounds like you're too dependent on her. Get a hobby or something that takes up your time the days that you're not together. If you trust her, then don't worry about it.
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  4. #4
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    Yep, I've realized that. I own a laundromat and beach rental business, they keep me pretty occupied. I'm going to start taking classes to obtain my real estate license, also considering boxing and drumming. I've been exercising a lot recently, put on 10lbs, feel pretty good about that. I'm just having trouble trusting her completely, I feel better everyday, it's just taking longer for me to get used to then expected.

    Thanks for the replies, I don't really have anybody to talk to.

  5. #5
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    Guys are, well, Guys - Run Forrest Run -

    Just kidding - I would take JBrazen's advice and find a hobby. Don't dwell on the current situation, if you do it will rip you apart. It's a big world with an infinite amount of possibilities, just keep that in mind.

    I was in the Military and witnessed countless relationships that others were grasping too with their significan others back home...some worked, some resulted in shot-gun weddings (which were not always "happily ever after"), but most, as YoSC said - fizzled.

    I don't think there is an easy answer to your question about how do we deal with jealousy...personally, I try to stay away from those types of situations as it will drive you crazy. If the situations are unavoidable, then try upping your "emotional intelligence" and take a step back, look at the situation and the way you are acting and determine if it is reasonable?

    Always remember - eat, drink and be merry.
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  6. #6
    Junior Member MadDoctor's Avatar
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    I've talked to her about all of this, and she genuinely says I have absolutely nothing to worry about, she loves me and knows nobody could love her as much and treat her as well as I do. She always says how different I am then every other guys shes ever met, and that all the guys at her school are chauvinistic and ignorant.
    I like her.

    I probably did it wrong, but when I was in that situation, I had several personalities I'd bring to the table.... given what was needed at the time. Much like I do here at Speedguide.

    When it came to the girl I liked, I put on the confident, fun and strong person she liked and fell in love with. When she wasn't around, I allowed myself to wallow in insecurities because I'm human. It worked for me (to allow myself the full band of emotions) but that's me.

    Good luck! I like this girl!
    People will forget what you said... and people will forget what you did... but people will never forget how you made them feel.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Broadsword
    I've talked to her about all of this, and she genuinely says I have absolutely nothing to worry about, she loves me and knows nobody could love her as much and treat her as well as I do
    It's done-zo, man.

    Those are all rote replies spoken by a million girls to a million over-clingy boyfriends.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Burke View Post
    It's done-zo, man.

    Those are all rote replies spoken by a million girls to a million over-clingy boyfriends.

    lol, yep, I'm gunna end it ASAP.

  9. #9
    Insomniac Mutch's Avatar
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    Until she gives you a reason not to trust her, ya know..

    Its ****** but all of a sudden I stopped trusting my ex, 2 days later found out she had been cheatin on me, booted.

    And she had said pretty much that exact line.. Bottom line in my opinion if you cant trust someone you cant be with them.

  10. #10
    Moderator David's Avatar
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    Intimacy requires proximity. This is not the spouse setting out to provide for the family (closed ended), but an inamorata on a quest for personal growth (education and associated development, open ended)

    It is difficult to see from the inside. For your sake, I hope I am incorrect.

    Best of luck,
    david

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    "Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'" - Isaac Asimov

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  11. #11
    Maneater JawZ's Avatar
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    You aren't giving her any reason to remain in the relationship....she has absolutely nothing to worry about as she's got you by the balls....or what's left of them.


    You should become conveniently unavailable. Go out with friends have a good time....enjoy the view of the opposite sex, make some friends. You don't need to cheat, just be social. Enjoy in all that you have to offer and be confident that there are hundreds of women out there that would love to be part of your successful life.

    Right now, she's got you by the balls. She's calling the shots....sit, rollover, play dead, wait...no run to me when I say...okay now go sit back down. Her willingness to do the right thing hinges on your ability to exude CONFIDNECE in yourself.

    the minute she thinks that you don't need her....oh my. the minute you don't answer that cell phone...oh my. I can see her now, biting her fingernails wondering to herself outloud...WTF is he up to!!!!!!!!!!

    ...formerly the omnipotent UOD

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