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Thread: Long distance relationships

  1. #1
    resident Humboldt's Avatar
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    Long distance relationships

    Discuss

  2. #2
    SG DC Team Member Paft's Avatar
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    Possible, but difficult.

  3. #3
    resident Humboldt's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paft View Post
    Possible, but difficult.
    Expand.

  4. #4
    SG DC Team Member Paft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humboldt View Post
    Expand.
    Easy enough.

    A LDR will never be successful if both sides aren't willing to put in the effort, trust, and loyalty to stay faithful to each other even if they're not in the same place for months at a time, or even years (in the military, for example). It's too easy for one party to cheat on the other and not get cought, because there's so much distance seperating the two people in the relationship. There's plenty of temptation for either side to "get some on the side" because they're sick of waiting to see their SO at some future date, and the risk is really minimal for liars and cheaters. Also, there's not really a strong bond that can be formed because the other person is just pictures, words on a screen/paper, and a voice over the phone. There's no touch, intimacy, sharing of time and space, or even anything as simple as learning the other's body language - all the nonverbal communication that helps make or break a relationship.

    On the other hand, an LDR can work. If the chemistry is right and both sides work hard at it, and the LDR isn't perminant, then it's entirely possible to be apart for years and still be in love and faithful. An LDR has benefits in that, from a distance, a person tends to open themselves up more quickly and is more honest about who they are because it's safer to do online/over the phone than it is in person. Being face-to-face is scary to a lot of people, and so an LDR lets them open up without fear of being in close contact with the person they're opening up to. There's no pressure to be "perfect" like there is in real life, just pressure to be themselves because that's what's easiest and safest at that point.

    Why do you ask?

  5. #5
    Revenant 9mmprincess's Avatar
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    not worth it
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  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Humboldt View Post
    Discuss
    I think the hardest part of an LDR is the fact that you will want to be with that person or miss that person (given the fact if you met once before).

    I know a couple who's been married for 18 years now and their relationship started off as an LDR. They always talk about how they found each other and how they could not believe that something like that could happen.

  7. #7
    SG Enthusiast Far-N-Wide's Avatar
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    My wife and I dated for about 4 years. We both went to the same high school, but we didn't start dating until about 2 years after graduation. She went to a college that was 4 or 5 hour away and I went to the local college for about 2.5 years before leaving for military service.

    We'd write 1 or 2 letters a week, call when we could. We would see each other on Thanksgiving, Christmas, school breaks and the like. A week or two in the summer. We kept in touch as best as we could. Always told the truth to each other, kept communication lines open. Things we agreed upond early in our relationship. Don't be selfish, just compromise and settle things, like the small stuff is small stuff. let it go.

    We have been married 23 years since last April (seems like 24 ). My wifey kept all my letters I sent her in several shoe boxes... AND SHOWED THEM to OUR KIDS when they were teenagers... Both kids are girls... (I so can't live that down) Nothing I am ashamed about, just a bit embarrased. Not like phone sex or nothing, but stuff I didn't want the girls to read. Mostly because I forgot what I wrote.

    I got growing up stories I can share whith their friends, should they wish to play a love letter to mom card for this or that... They know I got dirt on them, so it's a nice and friendly cold war in this family.

    Given a 2nd chance to repeat all this again...
    I'd do it in a heart beat.
    USAF RETIRED

  8. #8
    Moderator YeOldeStonecat's Avatar
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    Very very difficult...never worked for me. Not saying it's impossible..not saying people have not successfully done them..just..very difficult. Guess there has to be incredible "trust" on both sides.

    I guess because I went to college...when people move into the dorms at the "big campus"....they moved there with BF's 'n GF's at home..and I'd see them at parties "hooking up".
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  9. #9
    Army Officer monkeyhead's Avatar
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    Well, I just arrived in Kuwait a few days ago and I have a girlfriend who i have been together with for about 3 years. We will be apart over a year, but with a 3 week R&R sometime in the middle. Only right when we started dating were we able to see each other almost every day if we wanted. Then i shipped off to basic training and its been holidays and 4 day weekends that we see each other.

    When i left for kuwait/iraq, our relationship was very strong. When i get back from deployment we are hoping to finally be able to live together. We have had some tough times, and it definately takes effort from both sides to sustain, but it can work. We do trust each other. I do not have to worry about it, where as if i did worry, that creates tension in the relationship and i believe can lead to a break up.

  10. #10
    Regular Member Brubbles's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by monkeyhead View Post
    Well, I just arrived in Kuwait a few days ago and I have a girlfriend who i have been together with for about 3 years. We will be apart over a year, but with a 3 week R&R sometime in the middle. Only right when we started dating were we able to see each other almost every day if we wanted. Then i shipped off to basic training and its been holidays and 4 day weekends that we see each other.

    When i left for kuwait/iraq, our relationship was very strong. When i get back from deployment we are hoping to finally be able to live together. We have had some tough times, and it definately takes effort from both sides to sustain, but it can work. We do trust each other. I do not have to worry about it, where as if i did worry, that creates tension in the relationship and i believe can lead to a break up.


    What he said I love you monkeyhead!

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    SG MVP Lefty's Avatar
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    great caluss (sp) builder

  12. #12
    Senior Member Gixxer's Avatar
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    very tough man. it can be done, but very tough.
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  13. #13
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    My wife and I started dating in the fall of 1991. We were both in college at the time. She ended up having to drop out and move back to West Palm Beach, FL, approximately 575 miles from my parents house to hers. We made the commitment to try the long distance thing. I would drive down about once a month when work and school would allow. This usually amounted to a two or three day weekend per month and then one week on my summer and Christmas vacations. We kept it up for close to three and a half years, before she decided to move back to Auburn. No its not for everyone, but worked out well for us.
    Looking for work............

  14. #14
    SG Enthusiast *cho*'s Avatar
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    I'm in one and better be in one for the next 3 years. Personally I don't find it to hard, but then again we talk on a regular basis. Thank goodness for Webcams, Internet, MSN etc. because without those this would be extremely difficult.

    I think the most important thing about a LD relationship though is commitment and trust. Without either one those characteristics it definitely won't last.

    The lack of sex isn't a problem really, it sucks, but it isn't the end of the world. Plus it makes the times you do actually get to spend together that much better.

    For instance I'm actually spending a month visiting my GF in Saskatoon right now, and we are making every second count.

    Plus even though I had to go 5 months without any, I'm probably getting more than a married man anyways, especially all the noobs under level 40.
    "There is a big difference between breaking the law and having a law designed to break you. We will not be broken." -- Jinny Simms

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  15. #15
    ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ downhill's Avatar
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    WTH?

    Did Trini's mom move to the east coast?

  16. #16
    R.I.P. 2017-10-02 Joint Chiefs of Staff's Avatar
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    Women are needy and men are selfish, self centered jerks.

    Long distance relationships for the most part fail for those reasons alone. Hell, even the ones where couples see each other every single day. 50% of all marriages since 1987 (I think) end in divorce. I read that somewhere a few months back.

    The key word is compromise. Nothing else matters when it comes to obtaining and preserving a lasting relationship.
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  17. #17
    resident Humboldt's Avatar
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    I don't doubt her at all, just myself.

    Herein lies the problem.

  18. #18
    SG Enthusiast koldchillah's Avatar
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    It never worked for me. I moved away to college and we tried to make it work for a little while but she ended up cheating on me with some sugardaddy twice her age and I didn't take it very well. I had been very loyal despite all the opportunities I had while living it up college party-style. Once she cheated on me I became rather promiscuous and started calling and visiting her less until she broke it off with me the day before Valentine's day. A year of partying ensued, but I eventually met my wife-to-be and we got married 3 years after that and have been living happily ever after. Man time flies.
    "Nobody's invincible, no plan is foolproof, We all must meet our moment of truth." - Guru

  19. #19
    Jen's Best Friend RoscoPColtrane's Avatar
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    My wife and I played that game for 6 months or so our last year of high school. If both sides aren't 100% committed don't waste your time.
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  20. #20
    MadDoctor Club Spammy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by downhill View Post
    WTH?

    Did Trini's mom move to the east coast?
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