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Thread: Man Laws - Part III

  1. #1
    Junior Member MadDoctor's Avatar
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    Man Laws - Part III

    1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

    2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's car.

    3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

    4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

    5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

    6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

    7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.

    8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

    9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

    10: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

    11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a Hot waitress and only when it's free.

    12: Only in situations of mortal physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

    13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

    14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

    15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

    16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

    17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

    18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

    19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

    20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

    21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights: a) Yeah, Ba-by, Push it! b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

    22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

    23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

    24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

    25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

    26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

    27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

    28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

    29. You may never put a lime or any other fruit in beer. No fruiting the beer. Whats next a beeracolada?

    30. (the Sergeant Schultz rule) If a buddies wife, girlfriend, mother, or sister contacts you to find the location of or find out information about said buddy, you are not required to tell them anything. It is even acceptable to deny knowledge of that persons existence.

    Updated Man Definitions:

    We've all heard about people having guts or balls. but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

    "GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

    " BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
    People will forget what you said... and people will forget what you did... but people will never forget how you made them feel.

  2. #2
    SG Enthusiast blacklab's Avatar
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    Can't disagree with any of them -it just proves good rules pass the test of time.

  3. #3
    Junior Member zooner's Avatar
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    strangely enough...

    many of those ideologies are rules that i already live by.
    Strap It On Whenever It Seems Appropriate

    http://www.tomsclan.com

  4. #4
    Junior Member MadDoctor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zooner View Post
    strangely enough...

    many of those ideologies are rules that i already live by.
    Rule 13 does not apply to you and me.
    People will forget what you said... and people will forget what you did... but people will never forget how you made them feel.

  5. #5
    Junior Member zooner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MadDoctor View Post
    Rule 13 does not apply to you and me.
    well, duh...

    and rule 23 is automatically retracted as well, since they're soul mates.
    Strap It On Whenever It Seems Appropriate

    http://www.tomsclan.com

  6. #6
    Senior Member ghettoside's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Norm View Post

    There are idiots everywhere.

    At work, in forums, in poetry classes, everywhere!

  7. #7
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    The title reminded me of Spike TV's Manswers, damn did they ruin a potentially great concept.

  8. #8
    Junior Member zooner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MadDoctor View Post
    Rule 13 does not apply to you and me.
    Last edited by zooner; 11-16-07 at 03:53 AM.
    Strap It On Whenever It Seems Appropriate

    http://www.tomsclan.com

  9. #9
    Junior Member MadDoctor's Avatar
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    I have no soul to save.

    *Takes off last bit of clothing (pink undies)*

    I'm ready to rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    People will forget what you said... and people will forget what you did... but people will never forget how you made them feel.

  10. #10
    Senior Member ghettoside's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MadDoctor View Post
    I have no soul to save.

    *Takes off last bit of clothing (pink undies)*

    I'm ready to rumble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    NO pics please!
    Quote Originally Posted by Norm View Post

    There are idiots everywhere.

    At work, in forums, in poetry classes, everywhere!

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