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Thread: Maybe The Best Farewell Email Ever.....

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  1. #1
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Maybe The Best Farewell Email Ever.....

    My boy sent me this farewell email that his coworker sent out to all IT staff in the company, including the CEO. His position was outsourced and they cut him.

    Oh, and no cliffs will be provided, wusses.

    Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

    As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type "Today is my last day."

    For nearly as long as I've worked here, I've hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

    I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Saroj Hariprashad: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake - it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

    Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects - an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

    Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, "meets expectation." That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets expectation scotch with a meets expectation cigar. Thanks Trish!

    And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

    But to those few souls with whom I've actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

    To Philip Cress, I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about Joe Cobbinah were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.

    To Brenda Ashby whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.

    To Sylvia Keenan, you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart.
    Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when your talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets. ; )

    To Bob Malvin (Mr. Cronyism Jr), well, I wish you had more of a back bone.
    You threw me to the wolves with that witch Brenda and I learned all too much from it. I still can't believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.

    Don Merritt (Mr. Cronyism Sr), I'm happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit.
    I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company's rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

    To all of the executives of this company, Jamie Dimon and such. Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it's a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us "faceless little people" more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.

    So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient ("because it's good for the company") in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

    Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.

    To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together. Please don't bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down listening to Biggie.

    One!
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  2. #2
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    While that may be an email from his former co-worker...the guy sure does like to take from others. lol

    http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/email/leaving.asp

  3. #3
    Elite Member Jim's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comtrad View Post
    While that may be an email from his former co-worker...the guy sure does like to take from others. lol

    http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/email/leaving.asp

  4. #4
    MadDoctor Club Spammy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comtrad View Post
    While that may be an email from his former co-worker...the guy sure does like to take from others. lol

    http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/email/leaving.asp
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  5. #5
    Moderator YeOldeStonecat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Comtrad View Post
    While that may be an email from his former co-worker...the guy sure does like to take from others. lol

    http://www.snopes.com/embarrass/email/leaving.asp
    That's "his boy!!!"
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  6. #6
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    Repost, I've read almsot the same email in the past.


    EDIT: Thumbs to comtrad

  7. #7
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Proof or die Nazi's!
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  8. #8
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    HAHAHHAHA! I just found out what happened! Called my friend that sent me this email and he told me that his coworker took the email and edited it for himself and put his coworkers names! Brilliant!
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  9. #9
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prey521 View Post
    HAHAHHAHA! I just found out what happened! Called my friend that sent me this email and he told me that his coworker took the email and edited it for himself and put his coworkers names! Brilliant!
    No, just lazy.

  10. #10
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YARDofSTUF View Post
    No, just lazy.
    LOL true, thought it was still kinda funny! Some of the IT guys there knew it was from a chain email, but they all gotta kick out of him stickin it to morons up top
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  11. #11
    meat popsicle Zilog B's Avatar
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    I'm going to use the pirate one when I resign.
    My son ... ask for thyself another internet connection, for that which I leave is too slow for thee

  12. #12
    Certified SG Addict CableDude's Avatar
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    Saving for future use.

  13. #13
    ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ downhill's Avatar
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    When it comes to being "owned" Prey is king....

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    Forum Techie A_old's Avatar
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  15. #15
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amro View Post
    LMAO! Nice!!
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  16. #16
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    He's not my boy, he's my boys coworker
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  17. #17
    Elite Member mountainman's Avatar
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    Oooh....that's embarrassing.

  18. #18
    MadDoctor Club Spammy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mountainman View Post
    Oooh....that's embarrassing.
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  19. #19
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Turns out that one of the managers was fired after that email was sent after one of the bosses received multiple complaints about her from other techs! I guess a part of his mission was accomplished, plaguarized or not
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  20. #20
    ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ downhill's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Prey521 View Post
    Turns out that one of the managers was fired after that email was sent after one of the bosses received multiple complaints about her from other techs! I guess a part of his mission was accomplished, plaguarized or not
    I've been thinking......

    If a few of us pitched in and bought you a shovel, so you could dig that hole a LOT faster.

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