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Thread: LoB

  1. #1
    Freedom Fighter jeremyboycool's Avatar
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    LoB

    The Inalienable Rights Scene

    (A huge Roman amphitheatre sparsely attended. REG, FRANCIS, STAN and JUDITH
    are seated in the stands. They speak conspiratorially.)

    JUDITH
    ... Any Anti-Imperialist group like ours must *reflect* such a divergence
    of interests within its power-base.
    REG
    Agreed.
    (General nodding.)
    Francis?
    FRANCIS
    I think Judith's point of view is valid here, Reg, provided the Movement
    never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man ...
    STAN
    Or woman.
    FRANCIS
    Or woman ... to rid himself ...
    STAN
    Or herself.
    REG
    Or herself. Agreed. Thank you, brother.
    STAN
    Or sister.
    FRANCIS
    Thank you, brother. Or sister. Where was I?
    REG
    I thought you'd finished.
    FRANCIS
    Oh, did I? Right.
    REG
    Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man ...
    STAN
    Or woman.
    REG
    Why don't you shut up about women, Stan, you're putting us off.
    STAN
    Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
    FRANCIS
    Why are you always on about women, Stan?
    STAN
    ... I want to be one.
    REG
    ... What?
    STAN
    I want to be a woman. From now on I want you all to call me Loretta.
    REG
    What!?
    STAN
    It's my right as a man.
    JUDITH
    Why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
    STAN
    I want to have babies.
    REG
    You want to have babies?!?!?!
    STAN
    It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
    REG
    But you can't have babies.
    STAN
    Don't you oppress me.
    REG
    I'm not oppressing you, Stan -- you haven't got a womb. Where's the
    fetus going to gestate? You going to keep it in a box?
    (STAN starts crying.)
    JUDITH
    Here! I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have
    babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans',
    but that he can have the *right* to have babies.
    FRANCIS
    Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have
    babies, brother. Sister, sorry.
    REG
    What's the point?
    FRANCIS
    What?
    REG
    What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies, when he can't
    have babies?
    FRANCIS
    It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
    REG
    It's symbolic of his struggle against reality.
    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." - Stephen Hawking

  2. #2
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    A rarity, a joke that needs cliff notes.
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  3. #3
    Freedom Fighter jeremyboycool's Avatar
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    It's part of a script from a movie.
    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." - Stephen Hawking

  4. #4
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    What movie?

  5. #5
    Freedom Fighter jeremyboycool's Avatar
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    I'll leave a hint it was made in 1979.
    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." - Stephen Hawking

  6. #6
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jeremyboycool View Post
    I'll leave a hint it was made in 1979.
    Cool, that eliminates all my favorites

  7. #7
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YARDofSTUF View Post
    Cool, that eliminates all my favorites
    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  8. #8
    Freedom Fighter jeremyboycool's Avatar
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    Mandy: Who are you?
    Wise Man 1: We are three wise men.
    Wise Man 2: We are astrologers. We have come from the East.
    Mandy: Is this some kind of joke?
    Wise Man 1: We wish to praise the infant.
    Wise Man 2: We must pay homage to him.
    Mandy: Homage!! You're all drunk you are. It's disgusting.
    Out, out!
    Wise Man 3: No, no.
    Mandy: Coming bursting in here first thing in the morning
    with some tale about Oriental fortune tellers...
    get out!
    Wise Man 1: No. No we must see him.
    Mandy: Go and praise someone else's brat, go on.
    Wise Man 2: We were led by a star.
    Mandy: Led by a bottle, more like. Get out!
    Wise Man 2: We must see him. We have brought presents.
    Mandy: Out!
    Wise Man 1: Gold, frankincense, myrrh.

    (her attitude changes immediately)

    Mandy: Well, why didn't you say so? He's over here...Sorry
    this place is a bit of a mess. What is myrrh, anyway?
    Wise Man 3: It is a valuable balm.
    Mandy: A balm, what are you giving him a balm for? It might
    bite him.
    Wise Man 3: What?
    Mandy: It's a dangerous animal. Quick, throw it in the trough.
    Wise Man 3: No it isn't.
    Mandy: Yes it is.
    Wise Man 3: No, no, it is an ointment.
    Mandy: An ointment?
    Wise Man 3: Look.
    Mandy: (sampling the ointment with a grubby finger)
    Oh. There is an animal called a balm or did I dream it?
    You astrologers, eh? Well, what's he then?
    Wise Man 2: H'm?
    Mandy: What star sign is he?
    Wise Man 2: Capricorn.
    Mandy: Capricorn, eh, what are they like?
    Wise Man 2: He is the son of God, our Messiah.
    Wise Man 1: King of the Jews.
    Mandy: And that's Capricorn, is it?
    Wise Man 3: No, no, that's just him.
    Mandy: Oh, I was going to say, otherwise there'd be a lot of
    them.

    (The Wise Men are on their knees)

    Wise Man 2: By what name are you calling him?

    (Dramatic Holy music)

    Mandy: Brian.
    Three Wise Men:
    We worship you, Oh, Brian, who are Lord over
    us all. Praise unto you, Brian and to the
    Lord our Father. Amen.
    Mandy: Do you do a lot of this, then?
    Wise Man 1: What?
    Mandy: This praising.
    Wise Man 1: No, no, no.
    Mandy: Oh! Well, if you're dropping by again do pop in. (they
    take the hint and rise) And thanks a lot for the gold
    and frankincense but...don't worry too much about the
    myrrh next time. Thank you...Goodbye. (to Brian)
    Well, weren't they nice...out of their bloody minds,
    but still...

    In the background we see the Wise Men pause outside another door
    as a gentle glow suffuses them. They look at each other, confer
    and then stride back in and grab the presents from Mandy and turn
    to go again, pushing Mandy over.

    Mandy: Here, here, that's mine, you just gave me that. Ow!
    No guesses? You can still find it for sale in wal mart
    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." - Stephen Hawking

  9. #9
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Have your feelings been hurt by a random act of E-Thuggery? If so, call 1-800-Waaaaahmbulance, we're here 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, to take your call, you could be due a large monetary settlement, don't delay, call now.

    "Please be careful prior to entering the world wide web, the internet is serious business"


  10. #10
    Freedom Fighter jeremyboycool's Avatar
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    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." - Stephen Hawking

  11. #11
    SG Enthusiast Leatherneck's Avatar
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    USMC RETIRED

    Steve

    Tacoma Guitar Forum

  12. #12
    Uninsured for your health
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    Sounds like something out of a Monty Python movie
    Quote Originally Posted by Three Rivers Designs
    America! Love it or give it back!

  13. #13
    Freedom Fighter jeremyboycool's Avatar
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    The film was controversial due to its combination of comedy and religious themes. However, it has also been very popular with viewers: in 2000, readers of Total Film magazine voted it the greatest comedy film of all time;[1] in 2004, the same magazine named it the 5th greatest British film of all time; in 2006 it was voted the best comedy movie of all time on two separate polls conducted by the British TV channels Channel 4 and Five; and on the Internet Movie Database, the film is consistently ranked among the top 250 films of all time
    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." - Stephen Hawking

  14. #14
    Freedom Fighter jeremyboycool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CiscoKid View Post
    Sounds like something out of a Monty Python movie

    yes it does
    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." - Stephen Hawking

  15. #15
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    Holy Grail?
    Quote Originally Posted by Three Rivers Designs
    America! Love it or give it back!

  16. #16
    Freedom Fighter jeremyboycool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CiscoKid View Post
    Holy Grail?

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." - Stephen Hawking

  17. #17
    Imperial Impotentate brembo's Avatar
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    Life of Brian

    "wolf nipple chips!"
    Tao_Jones Cult Member since 2004
    I gave Miss Manners a Dirty Sanchez, and she LIKED it.

  18. #18
    Freedom Fighter jeremyboycool's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brembo View Post
    Life of Brian

    "wolf nipple chips!"

    w00t w00t

    I declare you the winner

    Here's a cookie

    "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge." - Stephen Hawking

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