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Thread: I AM A MAN -This has been a public service message for women

  1. #1
    SG Enthusiast blacklab's Avatar
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    I AM A MAN -This has been a public service message for women

    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle

    with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an

    option. I will win.

    ______________________________ _________________________


    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop

    the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If

    another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able

    to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I

    wouldn't know where to start" We will then drink a couple of beers and

    break wind, as a form of holy communion.

    ______________________________ ____________________


    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me

    soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman.

    You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.


    ______________________________ _______________________


    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries

    at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items

    like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.


    ______________________________ _______________________


    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will

    insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me

    twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back

    together.


    ______________________________ ________________________


    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my

    hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole

    show looking for it . . . Though one time I was able to survive by holding

    a calculator. (applies to engineers mainly)


    ______________________________ ________________________


    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking

    about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I

    have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.


    ______________________________ ________________________



    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your

    mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any

    more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't

    need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.


    ______________________________ ______________________


    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.

    Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . And if you

    are feeling amorous afterwards . . Then I will certainly at least remember

    the name and recommend it to others.


    ______________________________ _____________________


    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought

    what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes

    is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You

    look fine. Can we just go now?


    ______________________________ ______________________


    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will

    share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the

    cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like

    wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.


    ______________________________ ______________________


    This has been a public service message for women to better

    understand men.

  2. #2
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    A real man would smash the window in with his bare fist while chewing tabacki.

  3. #3
    SG Enthusiast blacklab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YARDofSTUF View Post
    A real man would smash the window in with his bare fist while chewing tabacki.
    Not unless someone else is paying to fix it. Smashing the window is wasting whiskey money and only an idiot would do that.

    blacklab

  4. #4
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blacklab View Post
    Not unless someone else is paying to fix it. Smashing the window is wasting whiskey money and only an idiot would do that.

    blacklab
    Smash the windshield, insurance covers it.

  5. #5
    SG Enthusiast blacklab's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YARDofSTUF View Post
    Smash the windshield, insurance covers it.
    Not in my part of the country. Glass insurance to cover windshields costs and additional $284/yr. I can replace one for $220. Now for that kind of money I can buy 10 bottles of good whiskey.

    blacklab

  6. #6
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blacklab View Post
    Not in my part of the country. Glass insurance to cover windshields costs and additional $284/yr. I can replace one for $220. Now for that kind of money I can buy 10 bottles of good whiskey.

    blacklab
    You need a manly insurance company that will actually protect you!

  7. #7
    Advanced Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by blacklab View Post
    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle

    with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling AAA is not an

    option. I will win.

    I don't think that's the reason.. I think it's just that you're a cheap ba$tard and don't want to waste any money just so you can buy yourself some more smokes or alcohol figuring as that would ALWAYS be a better investment..

    ______________________________ _________________________


    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop

    the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If

    another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able

    to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I

    wouldn't know where to start" We will then drink a couple of beers and

    break wind, as a form of holy communion.

    I'm /-\ g33k w|-|() k|\|0\/\/5 |337.. not a mechanic.. just get me a crowbar and i'll start whacking the 5|-|!7 out of it until it works..
    ______________________________ ____________________


    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me

    soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman.

    You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

    When i'm sick I play video games all day.. like always.. along with poke and prod around the net.. a REAL man would get up out of bed and get themselves some soup and take care of themselves..
    ______________________________ _______________________


    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries

    at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items

    like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing.

    a REAL man would have the balls to go down the isles and grab those exotic items.. and sometimes the unmentionables such as tampons.. goes to show bravery..
    ______________________________ _______________________


    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will

    insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me

    twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back

    together.

    only an idiot would do that.. I wouldn't touch the thing if it was gonna cost me twice as much... either that or I would try to repair it myself and by the time I give up i'll just put it back together using good ol' duct tape...
    ______________________________ ________________________


    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in my

    hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole

    show looking for it . . . Though one time I was able to survive by holding

    a calculator. (applies to engineers mainly)

    I don't really watch TV.. it's about the video games and zhe internet for me.. if the man was smart he would look for the remote during commercials..


    ______________________________ ________________________


    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking

    about. The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex. I

    have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.

    Well for me.. it's.. penguins, video games, internet, animals and more video games...
    ______________________________ ________________________



    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your

    mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any

    more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't

    need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something for my mother, too.

    I second the motion
    ______________________________ ______________________


    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the movie.

    Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't . . . And if you

    are feeling amorous afterwards . . Then I will certainly at least remember

    the name and recommend it to others.

    as for me i don't even watch movies.. they're not my thing.. so yeah.. this doesn't apply to me..
    ______________________________ _____________________


    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought

    what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes

    is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You

    look fine. Can we just go now?

    I agree.. But if the man is lucky.. he might get a femmy who isn't like that..
    ______________________________ ______________________


    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will

    share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the

    cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like

    wandering around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.

    Well then that leaves.. mowing the lawn.. making the bed.. uhh.. what else... well picking up the dogs poo would be under cleaning.. or whatever poo it may be.. well I can't think of anything else at the moment..
    ______________________________ ______________________


    This has been a public service message for women to better

    understand some men.
    .

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