Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: If Santa had answered his mail honestly...

  1. #1
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    IL
    Posts
    4,059

    If Santa had answered his mail honestly...

    Deer Santa,
    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
    Yer Friend, Billy

    Dear Billy,
    Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
    Santa

    *****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
    Love, Sara h

    Dear Sara h,
    Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
    Santa

    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
    for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
    Love, Teddy

    Dear Teddy,
    Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

    Santa


    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
    Love, Francis

    Dear Francis,
    Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.

    Santa


    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
    Love, Susan

    Dear Susan,
    Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
    Santa
    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend, Thomas
    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

    Santa
    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
    we're awake, like in the song?
    Love, Jessica

    Dear Jessica,
    Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
    I'm skipping your house.

    Santa

    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please,
    PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
    Love, Timmy

    Dear Timmy,
    That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that
    crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

    Santa

    ****************************************************
    Dearest Santa,
    We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our
    home?
    Love, Marky

    Dear Mark,
    First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

    Sweet dreams,
    Santa

  2. #2
    Ft. Couch! morbidpete's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    W. Warwick RI
    Posts
    7,264
    ohh im so posting that at work at chuck e cheese XD

  3. #3
    Regular Member hoss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    199
    Quote Originally Posted by Comtrad View Post
    Deer Santa,
    ****************************************************
    Dear Santa,
    What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
    Your friend, Thomas
    Dear Thomas,
    All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

    Santa
    ****************************************************
    Santa
    I thought I say the Jolly Old man once before.

  4. #4
    Moderator Roody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2000
    Location
    Central Florida
    Posts
    30,761

Similar Threads

  1. Earthlink Mail Program Problem With Router
    By WW2__Pvt_German in forum Networking Forum
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 12-20-06, 05:34 PM
  2. Outlook mail feature question
    By Easto in forum Software Forum
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 03-13-06, 06:05 AM
  3. Please help me on my mail merge.
    By MaMister in forum Software Forum
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-10-05, 06:24 PM
  4. Remember when my mail server was down all day?
    By fastchevy in forum General Discussion Board
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 03-11-05, 09:52 AM
  5. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-24-05, 08:55 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •