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Thread: It is a strange language.

  1. #1
    SG Enthusiast blacklab's Avatar
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    It is a strange language.

    Subject: The English Language - too cute not to share - to the very end

    Can you read these sentences right the first time?

    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

    2) The farm was used to produce produce.

    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time
    to present the present.

    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

    10) I did not object to the object.

    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

    13) They were too close to the door to close it.

    14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

    18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

    19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

    20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

    Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in
    eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
    English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.
    Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We
    take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that
    quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
    neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

    And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers
    don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why
    isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2
    meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends
    but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all
    but one of them, what do you call it?

    If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian
    eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the
    English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
    In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by
    truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

    How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man
    and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
    language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you
    fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going
    on.

    English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
    creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That
    is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are
    out, they are invisible.

    PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"

    You lovers of the English language might enjoy this .

    There is a two-letter word that perhaps
    has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

    It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of
    the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a
    meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the
    officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a
    report?

    We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish
    UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UPthe kitchen. We lock UP
    the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word
    has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work
    UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be
    dressed UP is special.

    And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is
    stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

    We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about
    the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized
    dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about
    thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list
    of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you
    don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to
    rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is
    clearing UP.

    When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

    When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

    One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP,
    so............ Time to shut UP.....!

    Oh...one more thing:

    What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you
    do at night? U-P

  2. #2
    Why do people drive on parkways, and park on driveways???

  3. #3
    R.I.P. 2017-10-02 Joint Chiefs of Staff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mad_Haggis
    Why do people drive on parkways, and park on driveways???
    Scarey!!!! You made sense. lol
    >>Cult Master of International Affairs<<

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