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Thread: tech support

  1. #1
    Ft. Couch! morbidpete's Avatar
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    tech support

    Tech Support horror stories

    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one...
    ===============

    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk... sorry....
    ===============

    Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?
    ===============

    Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dammit!
    ==============

    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

    ===============

    Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
    ===============

    Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
    ===============

    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
    ===============

    Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
    ===============

    Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.
    ===============

    Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
    ===============

    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
    ===============

    Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
    ===============

    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
    ===============

    And last but not least...

    Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!


  2. #2
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by morbidpete
    Tech Support horror stories

    Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one...
    ===============

    Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet...it's still on my desk... sorry....
    ===============

    Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?
    ===============

    Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dammit!
    ==============

    Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

    ===============

    Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
    ===============

    Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
    ===============

    Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...
    ===============

    Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
    ===============

    Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.
    ===============

    Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
    ===============

    Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
    ===============

    Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
    ===============

    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."
    ===============

    And last but not least...

    Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
    Edit for dark theme users.

  3. #3
    Ft. Couch! morbidpete's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YARDofSTUF
    Edit for dark theme users.
    just fixxed it i use the dark theme.

  4. #4
    Second Most EVIL YARDofSTUF's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by morbidpete
    just fixxed it i use the dark theme.

    punk!

  5. #5
    Ft. Couch! morbidpete's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YARDofSTUF
    punk!
    punk!? your lucky in not gunna see you the 24th or we would have to take this outside

  6. #6


    Some oldies but goodies, and some new ones I had not heard yet...

  7. #7
    P/T Pagan God thepieman's Avatar
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    Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, dammit!
    I have had that happen once or twice myself
    SG Pimp Name : *Treacherous P. Shizzle*
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    The fight for our way of life needs to be fought on our own soil, for our own people and because of our own interests.
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  8. #8
    SG Enthusiast Rainbow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by morbidpete
    just fixxed it i use the dark theme.

    Dont know what you "fixed" but I still cant see your post?

  9. #9
    P/T Pagan God thepieman's Avatar
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    I use the Halloween all the time. I didnt have a prob.
    SG Pimp Name : *Treacherous P. Shizzle*
    *
    The fight for our way of life needs to be fought on our own soil, for our own people and because of our own interests.
    *
    Hey, If Me & My Buddies Were Making Billions of Dollars I'd Tell Ya What Ya Wanted To Hear Too!

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Mad_Haggis


    Some oldies but goodies, and some new ones I had not heard yet...
    nothing like quoting yourself/myself/thyself


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