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Thread: Americans With No Abilities Act Passes In Congress

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    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Americans With No Abilities Act Passes In Congress

    AMERICANS WITH NO ABILITIES ACT PASSES CONGRESS
    May 23, 2005
    WASHINGTON, DC (AP)

    Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for
    many Americans.

    The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into law by Newly
    Inducted President John Kerry shortly after its passage by the new
    Democratic Congress, is being hailed as a major victory by advocates of the
    millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

    "Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive
    necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said
    Kerry, a longtime AWNA supporter. "This is why many of them voted for me.
    We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and
    passed over.

    With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special
    favors to a small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or
    have some idea of what they are doing", said Kerry. President Kerry pointed
    to the success of the US Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy
    of providing opportunity without regard to performance.

    Approximately 80 percent of postal employees lack job skills, making this
    agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability. Private
    sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against the Inept
    include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%) and home improvement
    "warehouse" stores (65%) President Kerry has also set an example,
    personally selecting hundreds of Non-abled people for top government
    positions, including many cabinet-level jobs.
    Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle
    man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little
    real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and
    performance. Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be
    given, to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
    employees.

    The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which
    maintain a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions, and
    gives a tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one
    clueless worker for every two talented hires.

    Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to
    discriminate against the Non-abled, banning discriminatory interview
    questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have
    any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?"

    "As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have
    something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a
    lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable job
    skills. "This new law should really help people like me."

    With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented
    citizens can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. Said Kerry, "It
    is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen,
    regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in
    this great nation .
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    meat popsicle Zilog B's Avatar
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    SG Enthusiast cybotron r_9's Avatar
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    hey, did you know JFK is a War Hero.....

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    Regular Member Scum333's Avatar
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    Look, you have to remember that John Kerry is a communist. We here in my parts call him the PINK menace.

    If he gets elected, I will of course obey him as he is our supreme leader.

    We'll teach those filthy capitalist pig dog slime a thing or too.

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    Elite Member BaLa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by schlurpee

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    Quote Originally Posted by Scum333
    Look, you have to remember that John Kerry is a communist. We here in my parts call him the PINK menace.

    If he gets elected, I will of course obey him as he is our supreme leader.

    We'll teach those filthy capitalist pig dog slime a thing or too.
    Quote Originally Posted by Three Rivers Designs
    America! Love it or give it back!

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