There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than
on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2020, there should be a
large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Pastor

A pastor walked into a neighborhood pub that was hopping with music and
dancing. Every now and than the lights would go out followed by an
eruption of cheer from the crowd. When somebody noticed the pastor
however, the revelry stopped and the room got very quiet. Feeling awkward
and out of place, the pastor went to the bartender and asked, "May I
please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should." "For heavens
sake, why not?" "Well, there is a large statue of a woman in there, and
I'm afraid it would offend you, being a man of the cloth and all. She is
only wearing a fig leaf over her......."

"Nonsense," said the pastor, "I'll just look the other way." And still
feeling very
self-conscious in the quiet room he entered the men's room. After a few
minutes
he emerged and the whole place was filled with music and dancing again,
and everyone
was giving him an enthusiastic round of applause. Several patrons came to
him, slapped him on the back, put their arms around his shoulders, and
led him to the bar where he was presented with a cold drink, on the
house.

"I don't understand," the bewildered pastor whispered to the bartender,
"What happened?" "They know you're one of us now," the bartender replied.
"How?" The bartender grinned and slid another drink to him. "When the fig
leaf on the statue is lifted, all the lights go out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SANTA COP

There was a city cop sitting on his horse waiting to cross the street when a

little boy on his shiny, new bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop

said. "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little boy said. "He sure did!

The cop looked the bike over, and handed the little boy a $20 ticket for a

safety violation. The cop said, "Next year, tell Santa to put a reflector

light on the back of it."


The young boy looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir.

Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little

boy looked up at the cop and said, "Next year, tell Santa the d!ck goes

underneath the horse, not on top.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Those Newfies ??

A pompous Preacher was seated next to a Newfie on a flight to Toronto.

After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

The Newfie asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed
before him.

The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen brazen
wh0res than let liquor touch my lips."

The Newfie then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I
didn't know we had a choice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Subject: Lipstick....

According to a news report, a school in Washington recently was faced with
a unique problem. A number of 13-year-old girls who had just started using
lipstick would put it on in the school bathroom. Which was fine, but after
they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror
leaving hundreds of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man
would remove them and the next day, the girls would put more there.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the
maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a
major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked
the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took
out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the
mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators.