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Thread: How do you mourn a anniversary of a deceased loved one?

  1. #1
    ACEmeaniSPANKER EvilAngel's Avatar
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    How do you mourn a anniversary of a deceased loved one?

    ANyone have a loved one that passed ? How do you mourn his/her departure from earth?

    The reason I ask is my brother passed away 6 years ago and his B-day is in 3 days. I always think about him constantly a week prior and after his b-day date which got me wondering how others deal with their emotion

    Do you make cup-cakes or visit their grave how do you handle it?
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  2. #2
    ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ downhill's Avatar
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    Good question. Eveyone handles this differently.

    For me......I try and remember a few of the good times.

    When I'm gone, my family knows....no burial plot. Cremate me and put my ashes where I'll never hear another train whistle.........

    Celebrate the life and not morn the passing.....

    This is what I believe...others have different ideas and I also respect that..
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  3. #3
    Originally posted by downhill
    Celebrate the life and not morn the passing.....

    I agree.

    everyone handles it differently.

    There is no right or wrong answer.

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    R.I.P. 2015-05-13 minir's Avatar
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    Hi John

    In your case i don't think you have to mark the Anniversary with anything special, as He's always with you.

    Some people run a Remembrance in the local Paper, others a Visit to the Grave site with flowers and still others going to Mass and lighting Candles in his honour.

    To me it's whatever is comfortable to you that matters most. If you feel like going to the Beach for a Picnic with Him in mind, that's perfectly fine imho.

    Rest assured He knows Your thinking of Him & that's really all that matters imho.

    Me i usually just take a minute and say " Hi " and try to remember a Happy time together.



    regards

    larry

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    p porkchop's Avatar
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    different people and cultures have different ways...

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    Advanced Member jumpingrat's Avatar
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    If you are religious going to church might be appropriate.

    I'm not particularly religious so for close freinds that have passed away (Far too many. Drinking, drugs and driving like an idiot do not a long life make) I will sometimes visit the grave or visit with mutual freinds, have a beer and remenice. Or sometimes I will just take a walk and think. How I feel when I wake up is my deciding factor.

    What really maters is what you think is best and what gives you peace of heart and mind.
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    Senior Member Blisster's Avatar
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    I just look at the scars the have been left on my body in memoranium of my fallen brother (tattoos) and send a little word for him skyward.


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    My dad died.

    I just try to forget.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Easto's Avatar
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    Just do what makes you feel good.

    There's no right answer.

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    Moderator YeOldeStonecat's Avatar
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    I'm not regular about it (like on every anniversary), I find it tough to handle.

    But now and then, visit the cemetary to pay my respects to my dad, and one of my best (school) friends who took his life on X-Mas eve many years ago.
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    R.I.P. 2013-11-22 blebs's Avatar
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    The first year or two, I'd cry and visit the graves. Now, I just thank God and they that I had them for parents and was able to share some of the joys of life with them. I don't visit the cemetery anymore. I'm too afraid of ending up in there myself. I do miss them, but I try to carry out things as they would've or make the best possible choice for the circumstances. I guess I envision them watching me and I want them to know that I'm doing as best I can and they can remain proud.

  12. #12
    Disciple of Doom SeedOfChaos's Avatar
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    Brother...

    I think about him. Sometimes I wonder what would've been, but then soon come to realize that it does not matter what would've been. What is matters.

    I'm with downhill, cremate me so nobody feels obliged to take care of my grave or anything. A grave doesn't make me immortal, nor does rememberance. More of a practical approach, but some people prefer graves for memories. *shrugs*
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  13. #13
    NYC Newbie Slayer Prey521's Avatar
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    Till this day I have not mustered up the courage to visit my brothers grave, he died August 10 1987. Maybe this will be the breakthrough year......new family.....new life......maybe it would be good for me!
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  14. #14
    Originally posted by Prey521
    Till this day I have not mustered up the courage to visit my brothers grave, he died August 10 1987. Maybe this will be the breakthrough year......new family.....new life......maybe it would be good for me!

    A gravestone really is meant for the family who are still here, for the deceased it is nothing really.

    Remember you dont have to go to the cemetery to talk to your loved ones who have passed.

    They are always around us.

  15. #15
    SG DC Team Member lance-tek's Avatar
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    As many have already said, try to remember the good times.

    I don't make an anniversary visit to the grave but, like you I think about my loved ones whom have passed throughout the year. Just to remember something that made you or them feel good about the other person is probably the best way to remember them.

    The reason I don't do an anniversary thing is, well,.............

    If I die, I don't want to have people grow to dislike me because they feel obligated to drive to wherever my resting place is just to say hi and put flowers by the headstone. I want for them to only think of the good times, when I made them laugh or at least happy. I fear that if they feel obligated to remember me then they will only have bad memories of traveling to see my headstone in terrible weather when they could be out enjoying their lives and not mourning my death.

    I feel that way about my passing and I think that is how my loved ones would feel to. So, I practice that method. I still stop by and place flowers and say hello, but I don't plan it ahead of time and have it become an inconvenience. I do it cause I feel like it, not because I am obligated.

    JMHO

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  16. #16
    resident Humboldt's Avatar
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    Like evryone else has stated, it's a personal thing that everyone deals with in their own way or ways. none are any better or worse then others.

    I like being at a gravesite for the intimacy it brings...that's the last place I was with the physical body and it helps me bring up memories of times I was with the spirit. Some good and some bad but I take what I can get.

    If there's not a grave I try to dwell on the memories but having just a little something phsical helps me drudge stuff up. I great friend from when I was younger for example...committed suicide years ago but is still in my thoughts. I have a picture of him wearing one of my shirts and I have the shirt itself still. So I can look at the 2 and get some intense memories.

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    R.I.P. 2017-10-02 Joint Chiefs of Staff's Avatar
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    SG Enthusiast chevyman282's Avatar
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    Re: How do you mourn a anniversary of a deceased loved one?

    Originally posted by EvilAngel
    ANyone have a loved one that passed ? How do you mourn his/her departure from earth?

    The reason I ask is my brother passed away 6 years ago and his B-day is in 3 days. I always think about him constantly a week prior and after his b-day date which got me wondering how others deal with their emotion

    Do you make cup-cakes or visit their grave how do you handle it?
    EA, me and mine just remember the good times and the not so good.....I think that is why we have memory....and little stories we pass down about our loved ones to the next generation....

    chevyman...
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