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Thread: LOL New J. Lopez movie draws fire

  1. #1
    meat popsicle Zilog B's Avatar
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    LOL New J. Lopez movie draws fire

    read the reviews LMAO. Sounds like it's going to be another "Glitter", the one movie thats never checked out at the video store, and they only have one copy LOL. J Lo and Ben Suck.


    http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/Gigli-1124237/
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  2. #2
    meat popsicle Zilog B's Avatar
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    "Gigli" is a film that begins badly and gets worse and worse, like someone who has been knocked unconscious in an accident and then bleeds to death because he gets no attention.
    My son ... ask for thyself another internet connection, for that which I leave is too slow for thee

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    SG Enthusiast Ahren's Avatar
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    Between Light & Shadows Unholy's Avatar
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    Dude when has any of her movies been good? Hope she goes crazy for some real entertainment.
    "I was once banned from a bookstore for moving all the bibles to fiction"

  5. #5
    SG DC Team Member lance-tek's Avatar
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    ok so what I gather is that they should kill each other and die horrible deaths, did I mention miserable deaths, did I meantion death
    A mistake does not become an error until one refuses to correct it

    Folding for the future

  6. #6
    Morterator Immortal's Avatar
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    Holy shiz..

    this is the first movive I've seen got a 0%

    It's been pretty reliable, I use them to check out movies I might watch.. and god damn!

  7. #7
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    "Many participants wrote 'shot to death' in the space provided for comments, probably thinking that it fit in with the gangster characters' stated realities," Columbia Pictures director of marketing Peter Zitterman said. "Some comments showed a lot of careful thought, such as 'point blank through head from right side,' 'both at once with single shot from elephant gun,' and 'several hundred times, with multiple camera angles showing their bodies jerking as they're shredded with a heavy hosing of lead, spraying the lens with gobbets of meat and bone and blood, with the sheer number of fist-sized exit wounds obviously precluding any sequel.' And shootings weren't the only ideas suggested, believe me."
    Quote Originally Posted by Three Rivers Designs
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  8. #8
    Morterator Immortal's Avatar
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    Originally posted by CiscoKid
    ahhaha.. where'd u get that?

  9. #9
    Senior Member Blisster's Avatar
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    Originally posted by dud89
    Dude when has any of her movies been good? Hope she goes crazy for some real entertainment.
    U-Turn with J.Lo Shawn Penn Nick Noltey and Billy Bob Thornton.


    Quote Originally Posted by Edward Abbey
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  10. #10
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    This movie will be a must-see to experience how bad it really is. Of course, my friend is a movie theater manager, so I don't have to pay to watch movies...

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    Originally posted by Blisster
    U-Turn with J.Lo Shawn Penn Nick Noltey and Billy Bob Thornton.
    And there is actually a funny scene with Sean Penn and Jennifer Lopez "making whoopee" beside a tree.

  12. #12
    The Quiet One WhoNut's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Blisster
    U-Turn with J.Lo Shawn Penn Nick Noltey and Billy Bob Thornton.
    "Out of Sight" with George Clooney was also very good. "The Cell" was interesting.
    When they kick at your front door, how you gonna come? With your hands at your head, or the trigger of your gun?

  13. #13
    Elite Member ghost's Avatar
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    Good link!

  14. #14
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    Originally posted by WhoNut
    "Out of Sight" with George Clooney was also very good. "The Cell" was interesting.
    LOL...speaking of "The Cell," here's the review my friend/co-publisher Louis did for our Fall 2001 issue of our 'zine:

    ***

    The Cell
    (New Line Cinema, 2000)

    Many people like Jennifer Lopez. I am not one of them. I cannot stand her. She is full of herself and she has the audacity to call Salma Hayek “contrived.” Being a Hispanic myself (half-Mexican and proud), she proves many people’s misconceptions about Hispanics, especially with that whole Puff Daddy gunfight incident. Thank for the advancement of our people, Ms. Lopez!

    I was lucky enough to see another failure in a summer of many cinematic disappointments, the abomination known as The Cell. This movie is bad. Judging from the trailers I thought it was going to be a whimsical ride through the mind of a Nine Inch Nails video, but I’ve seen more horrific imagery in a Ray Stevens video.

    The plot, if it can be called that, is a basic retread of every single psychopath film we’ve seen since Silence of the Lambs. You know: the naive young female (always gotta be female) has to go through extraordinary means to find a killer, usually by entering his dark world of mayhem. This time though, she does it literally. The mind in question is that of Vincent D’Onofrio, looking like a cross between Scotty from Boogie Nights and a reject bass player from the Allman Brothers Band. As usual with these films, he is not a “normal” psycho, like the ones we find in real life. He is a psycho-sexual nut who likes to bust his load over the corpses of his victims while being hung from meat hooks. Whatever happened to just raping your victims, skinning them alive and dancing in the moonlight wearing their skins? Everyone’s got to be different. So anyway, this guy lands in a coma and is captured and is sent to a special clinic where Ms. Lopez has developed a way to enter the sub-conscience of people in a coma. Having to find out where Vinny’s latest victim is, the FBI, led by a very Michael Keaton-looking Vince Vaughn, solicit the help of Lopez.

    To be able to actually see the nightmarish landscapes of a psycho’s mind would of been a very cool idea, but apart from a really cool scene where a horse is cut into ten parts, they really don’t do anything with it. His mind is really not all that scary. It comes off like a cross between a R.E.M. video and the Goblin Kingdom from Labyrinth. And as for D’Onofrio, he prances around like a demonically gay Clarabell the Clown. Not really scary. Of course, there is a little good left in him which is personified by a little sweet boy who runs around trying to escape the “monster” a.k.a. Bozo Liberace. In a hugely pointless scene, Vaughn enters the killers mind and nothing is accomplished. In the end, they find the girl and the clown is put to rest when Lopez dresses up like the Virgin Mary and gives the wounded little boy part of his psyche a hug. That’s all he really needed. Isn’t that all any of us really need?

    The director, a fellow by the name of Tarsem (that’s it, just Tarsem), a veteran of many videos by NIN and other bands like them, is just not able to convey any type of suspense or dread into this film. As a matter of fact, most of it is trying so hard to have a hidden meaning that it comes off highly laughable. And c’mon, the director’s name is Tarsem. I think I remember him from a friend’s birthday party, but back then he was known as Tarsem the Magnificent. He pulled an eel (a classic phallic symbol) out of hat and danced around like a severely retarded Martha Graham in cake makeup.

    In other words, don’t waste your time with The Cell. I guess now because I said all that, Puffy, excuse me, P. Diddy, is gonna cap my ass. Oh well, play on playa, play on.

  15. #15
    Elite Member Jim's Avatar
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    Sadly, as bad as her new movie may be, it still doesn't deserve my wrath like her Casablanca remake will...

  16. #16
    Regular Member Respice's Avatar
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    I fought the urge to punch someone once it finally ended.

  17. #17
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    Originally posted by Immortal
    ahhaha.. where'd u get that?
    it was from the link Jarngrimr posted
    Quote Originally Posted by Three Rivers Designs
    America! Love it or give it back!

  18. #18
    SG Enthusiast Ahren's Avatar
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    Originally posted by Immortal
    ahhaha.. where'd u get that?
    From The Onion

    I thought it was damn funny.

    'According to the exit cards, other popular methods of achieving Lopez and Affleck's on-screen demise included car bombs, multiple stab wounds, acid baths, rabid wolf attacks, lightning strikes, and, in one case, a "hammer party." '
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