Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: Understanding Politics

  1. #1
    R.I.P. 2013-11-22 blebs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2000
    Location
    North Canton, Ohio
    Posts
    12,819

    Understanding Politics

    Political Cows
    DEMOCRAT:

    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    You feel guilty for being successful.

    You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to
    sell one to raise money to pay the tax.

    The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to
    your neighbor.

    You feel righteous.

    Barbara Streisand sings for you.



    SOCIALIST:

    You have two cows.

    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.



    REPUBLICAN:

    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    So?



    COMMUNIST:

    You have two cows.

    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

    You wait in line for hours to get it.

    It is expensive and sour.



    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:

    You have two cows.

    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.



    DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

    You have two cows.

    The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man
    in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
    government.



    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:

    You have two cows.

    The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for
    the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.



    AMERICAN CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

    You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows.

    You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

    You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are
    reducing expenses.

    Your stock goes up.



    FRENCH CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You go on strike because you want three cows.

    You go to lunch.

    Life is good.



    JAPANESE CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
    produce twenty times the milk.

    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.



    GERMAN CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
    quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.



    ITALIAN CORPORATION:

    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

    You break for lunch.

    Life is good.



    RUSSIAN CORPORATION:

    You have two cows.

    You count them and learn you have five cows.

    You have some more vodka.

    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

    You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.

    You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

    You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.

    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.



    TALIBAN CORPORATION:

    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private
    parts.

    At night when no one is looking, you have sex with both of them.

    Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the
    hospital.



    POLISH CORPORATION:

    You have two bulls.

    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.



    FLORIDA CORPORATION:

    You have a black cow and a brown cow.

    Everyone votes for the best looking one.

    Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black
    one.

    Some people vote for both.

    Some people vote for neither.

    Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
    best-looking one.

  2. #2
    SG Enthusiast Think's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Posts
    2,283
    ITALIAN CORPORATION:
    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

    You break for lunch.

    Life is good.
    That makes the most sense
    got old



  3. #3
    Advanced Member kmax's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Posts
    915
    bwaahahahahahahahahahaha

  4. #4
    Smap King lord_yuri's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    Ca
    Posts
    1,610
    Sadly this is actually making sence.

  5. #5
    Morterator Immortal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    Location
    Mississauga, Ontario , Canada. Behaviour : Good
    Posts
    22,671
    haha... I like this!

  6. #6
    Disciple of Doom SeedOfChaos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2000
    Location
    Comfortably Numb
    Posts
    8,651
    I got an extension on the capitalist system.....

    You have two cows, your neighbor has a bull. You steal your neighbor's bull and force the neighbor to buy his meat and milk from you. Because they can now reproduce, none of your children will ever have to work again, compared to the neighbors sons, who will have to work for your sons to put their own food on the table. Additionally, since you have a lot of cows, you can "donate" those to political parties who will then take care that nothing changes.

    ex-WoW-addict

  7. #7
    Certified SG Addict Indy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2000
    Location
    Amarillo, TX
    Posts
    25,529
    Blog Entries
    24
    ------
    “The most beautiful thing we can experience in life is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: for his eyes are closed.” - Albert Einstein

  8. #8
    ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ downhill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    My Own Private Idaho
    Posts
    34,796
    LOL@ SOC....

  9. #9
    R.I.P. 2016-11-23 Croc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    Up top East side Downunder
    Posts
    7,818
    So the lovely Barbra sings for the Democrats.

    Who sings for the others?

    Nice one Ross.

    Croc.
    Croc.
    It will be long, it will be hard and there will be no withdrawal.
    Winston Churchill
    Remember: Wherever you go in life, you take yourself with you.

  10. #10
    ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ downhill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    My Own Private Idaho
    Posts
    34,796
    Originally posted by Croc
    So the lovely Barbra sings for the Democrats.

    Who sings for the others?

    Nice one Ross.

    Croc.
    I have no idea just how good their records sell....but...a small list...

    Savage and Scarborough, Rush, O’Reilly, Buchanan, Novak,
    Kristol, Roger Ailes, Hannity, Barnes, Hume, Will, the Wall Street Journal, The Washington Times,
    The New York Post, the Weekly Standard, American Spectator, The New York Sun, all of Fox, most of
    MSNBC cable, much of CNN, ABC, National Review, Drudge, Andy, Ann Coulter, Bernard Goldberg, etc. ect..


    And I'm sure that Coulter has the singing voice of....umm......umm......chalk on a chalkboard? A guess.

  11. #11
    R.I.P. 2016-11-23 Croc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    Up top East side Downunder
    Posts
    7,818
    So Babs is the only Democrat entertainer in the US Downhill?

    Thanks for the list.

    Croc.
    Croc.
    It will be long, it will be hard and there will be no withdrawal.
    Winston Churchill
    Remember: Wherever you go in life, you take yourself with you.

  12. #12
    ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ ♫♪ downhill's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2000
    Location
    My Own Private Idaho
    Posts
    34,796
    Originally posted by Croc
    So Babs is the only Democrat entertainer in the US Downhill?

    Thanks for the list.

    Croc.
    LOL...NO not at all..there are quite a few. As well as bonifide Republican entertainers...my above post is tongue in cheek.

    You see, the subject here gets pretty hot. If you have 100 Hollywood figures here, who go against those who would have them shut their mouths...then the "liberal press" is used to make examples of them.........and not quite so if the shoe is on the other foot...imho of course...

    Oh the other hand,

    I'm not qualified to really speak on this matter because I'm not paid by Fox or talk radio.

  13. #13
    R.I.P. 2016-11-23 Croc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2001
    Location
    Up top East side Downunder
    Posts
    7,818
    Originally posted by downhill
    LOL...NO not at all..there are quite a few. As well as bonifide Republican entertainers...my above post is tongue in cheek.
    As was mine.
    I think I understand your description. It's 12-30am, I am tired but can't get to sleep. I will look at it again later.

    Croc.
    Croc.
    It will be long, it will be hard and there will be no withdrawal.
    Winston Churchill
    Remember: Wherever you go in life, you take yourself with you.

  14. #14
    disabled account
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    between pain, bliss and the Garden State
    Posts
    6,176
    REAGANOMIC THEORY

    Tax breaks that allow the wealthy to purchase more cows. Through trickle down economics, the rest are permitted to enjoy the manure produced by the rich peoples' cows.

    (only fair)

    BLEEDING HEART VEGAN MODEL

    The cows are permitted to roam free and unfettered. They are given voting rights and Elsie the cow is elected president. White House renamed the White Barn.
    I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.

  15. #15
    Maneater JawZ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2001
    Posts
    21,941
    Iraqi Cows:

    There are no cows. What cows? There are no cows within 100 miles of Baghdad, in fact, if there are any cows, they are instruments of American Propacownda!

    ...formerly the omnipotent UOD

  16. #16
    disabled account
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    between pain, bliss and the Garden State
    Posts
    6,176
    CLINTON MODEL

    Cows are given jobs as interns. President selects "alternative positions". Cud will be chewed, state statues regarding livestock will be violated. MadDoctor approved model.
    I want to learn more and more to see as beautiful what is necessary in things; then I shall be one of those who make things beautiful. Amor fati: let that be my love henceforth! I do not want to wage war against what is ugly. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse those who accuse. Looking away shall be my only negation. And all in all and on the whole: some day I wish to be only a Yes-sayer.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •